In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

  • akaya
    University: Northwestern Polytechnical University
    Nationality: China
    February 8, 2020 at 10:14 am

    In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

    For the last 20 years, we all have faced that people weight’s  increasing which have damaged their health heavily on developed countries. I think the development of technology is the main  reason for this situation, but we can reserve that by announcing the benefits of exercise with the help of government.

    With technology developing, the production of vegetable and meat growing rapidly in developed countries, most of people can afford as many as he want to eat.At the same time the concrete modern city and internet reduce our exercise space qiuckly as we were in the ancient time when we must go shopping and go to go to the cinema in the real world.As a result of these problems, the spirit of exercising have continued decreased for the last 20 years.

    But there are still some methods we can do to reverse the situation. First of all, we can provide more and more locations for people exercising, which we cound’t find so much in our concrete modern city. Secondly, we can make fun in the exercise by technology, such as we can invent a game to help people exercise. When you play the game, you exercise yourself. At last the government need to announce the beneficial of exercising.For example, you can get a good shape by exercising, it’s good for your health, etc.

    In conclusion, I think the most important reason for increasing weight is the development of technology. But we can reverse the situation by the using the technology correctly and the help of our government.

    February 14, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    Score: Ungraded

    Issues:

    1. More than 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.