The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. It is estimated that over one third of the population in developed countries will be aged 65+: What effects will these predictions have on developed countries? What can be done now to deal with this?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. It is estimated that over one third of the population in developed countries will be aged 65+: What effects will these predictions have on developed countries? What can be done now to deal with this?

  • SandyLu
    University: 东北林业大学
    Nationality: 中国
    December 19, 2019 at 4:25 am

    The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. It is estimated that over one third of the population in developed countries will be aged 65+:
    What effects will these predictions have on developed countries? What can be done now to deal with this?

    With declining birth rate and ageing population, we know there is a huge challenge ahead as our population ages. This essay will explore the repercussions of these issues and solutions to them.

    Such significant demographic changes could have a negative impact on almost everything, from health and social care services, to pensions provision and employment practices. This is due to the fact that, with a low birth rate and increasing life expectancy, there will be fewer caregivers, labor force, tax-payers but an increasing number of unwell and pensioners in the society. This could result in the government finding itself hardly make ends meet and our society losing workforce as the fuel to develop.

    There are some key areas where progress could be made. They include making it easier for older people to continue to work when they want to and so maintain their independence for longer. For instance, Japan government has implemented policies to make it more attractive for employers to take on older employees who might be seen as risky before. Thus the elderly come independent and postpone the date of receiving their pension. Migration can also offset some of the adverse effects of an ageing population on the labour market. Employment vacancies, especially for construction, farm work and other manual work, can be filled by relatively younger migrants. In this way, the society can get galvanised. Other ways to meet the challenges ahead include a better use of technology, such as developing robots to replace human nurses as caregivers. This can at least provide physical assistance to the sick and elderly in need.

    To sum up, it is time for us to face up to the impending demographic change. To address these issues, we could take well advantage of policy, migration and advanced technology.

    December 25, 2019 at 2:44 am

    Score: 58.3

    Suggestions:

    1. Restrict each paragraph within 90 words;
    2. More than 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.;
    3. Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    SandyLu
    University: 东北林业大学
    Nationality: 中国
    December 25, 2019 at 3:39 am

    With declining birth rate and ageing population, we know there is a huge challenge ahead as our population ages. This essay will explore the repercussions of these issues and solutions to them.

    Such significant demographic changes could have a negative impact on almost everything, from health and social care services to pensions provision and employment practices. To illustrate, with a low birth rate and increasing life expectancy, there will be fewer caregivers, labor force, tax-payers, but an increasing number of unwell and pensioners in the society. This could result in the government finding itself hardly make ends meet, and our society losing workforce as the fuel to develop.

    There are some key areas where progress could be made. They include making it easier for older people to continue to work when they want to. For instance, the government of Japan has implemented policies to make it more attractive for employers to take on older employees who might be seen as risky before, thus maintaining their independence for longer and postponing the date of receiving their pension.

    Migration can also offset some of the adverse effects of an ageing population on the labour market. Employment vacancies, especially for construction, farm work, and other manual work, can be filled by relatively younger migrants. In this way, society could get galvanised.

    To sum up, it is time for us to face up to the demographic change. To address these issues, we could take well advantage of policy, as well as immigrants from foreign countries.

     

    December 26, 2019 at 9:31 pm

    Score: 58

    Issues:

    1. More than 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. You MUST cut off the number to 15%-.

    Regards.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.