The chart below shows the changes of average monthly salary and prices of black and white, and color TV in Japanese Yen from 1953 to1973.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing The chart below shows the changes of average monthly salary and prices of black and white, and color TV in Japanese Yen from 1953 to1973.

  • Meredith
    University: Northwest University
    Nationality: China
    March 23, 2021 at 2:24 pm

    The chart below shows the changes of average monthly salary and prices of black and white, and color TV in Japanese Yen from 1953 to1973.

    The line graph compares the changes of TV prices of black and white TV and color TV, also shows the changes of the monthly salary in Japanese Yen between 1953 and1973. It is cleared that the income of monthly salary increased over the period shown, while the prices of both two types of TV decreased. Overall, there is a relatively huge change during 20 years in Japan. In 1953, the price of one black and white TV was about 100,000 Yen, while the monthly salary was almost 30,000 Yen. When color TV was emerged in 1958, the price of it was comparatively much higher than black and white TV, with the price of 180,000 at the beginning. Approximatly in 1962, the price of black and white TV and the income of monthly salary intersected. By 1973, the income of monthly salary was highest in Japan. Almost 180,000 Yen could be paid monthly, but the price of black and white TV and color TV reduced to about 80,000 and 30,000 Yen.

    March 23, 2021 at 3:27 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 65% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 40% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Lengthy paragraphs; restrict each paragraph to 80 words. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Meredith
    University: Northwest University
    Nationality: China
    March 24, 2021 at 10:14 am

    The line graph compares the changes of TV prices of black and white TV and color TV. It also shows the changes of the monthly salary in Japanese Yen between 1953 and1973.

    It is cleared that the income of monthly salary increased over the period shown. By contrast, the prices of both two types of TV decreased. Overall, there is a huge change during 20 years in Japan.

    In 1953, the price of one black and white TV was about 100 thousands Yen. Meanwhile, the monthly salary was almost 30 thousands Yen. The color TV firstly started for sale at the price of 180 thousands in 1958. Apparently its price was much higher than black and white TV’s all the time. In 1962, the price of black and white TV and the income of monthly salary intersected.

    By 1973, the income of monthly salary peaked at 180 thousands Yen in Japan. While the price of black and white TV and color TV reduced to about 80 thousands and 30 thousands Yen.

    March 24, 2021 at 9:41 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lots of grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Meredith
    University: Northwest University
    Nationality: China
    March 25, 2021 at 12:16 pm

    The line graph compares the changes in the prices of black and white TV and color TV. It also shows how the monthly salary changed in Japanese Yen between 1953 and 1973.

    Both the prices of two types of TV decreased over the period shown. By contrast, the income of monthly salary increased. Overall, there is an obvious change during 20 years in Japan.

    In 1953, the price of one black and white TV was about 100 thousand Yen. Meanwhile, the monthly salary was almost 30 thousand Yen. The color TV firstly started for sale at the price of 180 thousand in 1958. Apparently, its price was much higher than black and white TV’s all the time. In 1962, the price of black and white TV and the income of monthly salary intersected.

    By 1973, the income of monthly salary peaked at 180 thousands Yen in Japan. On the contrary, the price of black and white TV and color TV reduced to about 80 thousand and 30 thousand Yen.

    March 26, 2021 at 2:46 am

    The line graph compares the changes in the prices of (black and white)[ spelling error  ] TV and color TV[ incomplete sentence  ]. It also shows how the monthly salary changed in [ terms of  ] Japanese Yen between 1953 and 1973.

    Both the [ article error  ]prices of [ article error  ]two types of TV decreased over the period shown. By contrast, the (income of monthly salary)[ repetitive  ] increased. Overall, there is an obvious change [ incomplete  ]during [ article error  ]20 years in Japan.

    In 1953, the price of one (black and white)[spelling error   ] TV was about (100 thousand)[inconsistent in number   ] Yen[ spelling error  ]. Meanwhile, the monthly salary was almost (30 thousand Yen)[ same error  ]. The color TV firstly[word form error   ] started for sale at the price of (180 thousand)[ same error  ] in 1958. Apparently, its price was much higher than( black and white)[ same error  ] TV’s all the time. In 1962, the price of (black and white)[  same error ] TV and the income of monthly salary intersected.

    By 1973, the (income of monthly salary)[repetitive   ] peaked at (180 thousands Yen)[ same error  ] in Japan. On the contrary, the price of (black and white)[  same error ] TV and color TV reduced to about (80 thousand and 30 thousand Yen)[ same error  ].