The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend.

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  • singleyard
    University: peking university
    Nationality: china
    September 9, 2020 at 3:02 pm

    The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend.

    In the letter, the homeowner recommends Adams Realty for his friend as the real estate agent firm rather than another firm called Fitch realty. To support his position, he cites that the number and quality of agents in Adams is greater and much better than Fitch. Also, he uses the last-year revenue report to elucidate that Adams can bring more profit for its clients. To make his suggestion more convincing, he demonstrates his own experience to enhance the image of faster speed of Adams. Although his suggestion may stand in some sense indeed, the current information available is not sufficient enough to judicate the validity of the recommendation. On the contrary, if some of the assumptions are proven unwarranted, his position will be seriously challenged.

    First of all, the writer’s recommendation heavily hinges on the assumption that the number and work type of agents equal the overall ability of a firm. Based on this assumption, whichever company employs more full-time agents should be put on the top of choice list. However, this assumption is untenable due to the simplistic recognition of the personnel structure of a firm. As we all know, a real estate company can include more than the real estate agents, such as the managers and attorneys. We are not provided the information of the comprehensive composition of any one of the mentioned real estate firms. If Fitch recruits more judicious managers and more proficient attorneys, and the part time agents spend their time on the model construction of real estate transaction trend, then it is reasonable to believe that Fitch can assist people more with their house selling. So the writer’s suggestion can be undermined.


    September 9, 2020 at 6:16 pm

    Score: 56.1


    1. Many sentences are unclear (i.e. words/phrases misplaced).
    2. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    3. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.