The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City’s local newspaper.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City’s local newspaper.

  • Alex_Huku
    University: UESTC
    Nationality: Chinese
    March 29, 2021 at 1:48 pm

    The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City’s local newspaper.

    “In our region of Trillura, the majority of money spent on the schools that most students attend — the city-run public schools — comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region’s cities differ, however, in the budgetary priority they give to public education. For example, both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms, Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools — even though both cities have about the same number of residents. Clearly, Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do.”

    In the prompt, the author argues that Parson City residents pay more attention to the education quality in public schools than Blue City residents do. The author mentions Parson City spends more tax revenues on education than Blue City, both as a proportion and in absolute terms. However, three weaknesses remain before the author’s claim holds water.

    To begin with, although the author claims that two cities have nearly the same number of populations, s/he doesn’t mention the constituents. It is possible that Blue City has much more elders and fewer adolescents than Parson City. Under this circumstance, the residents in Blue City will ask for fewer education chances than residents in Parson City. Therefore, the difference between the money they spend on public schools can’t lead to the difference between the importance they attach to education. Blue City just suffer less pressure of offering public education. It may spend more money on medical care instead.

    Even though the two cities have almost the same number of adolescents, the situation changes if there are students from other regions. Public schools in Parson City may enjoy better reputations so there will be tremendous students from other cities, maybe Blue City, come here seeking education. These students will not contribute to the city’s population because they will go back to their home town after school. Therefore, Parson City will have more students than Blue City thus definitely spend more money on public schools.

    Moreover, the development of public schools in two cities may at different stages, resulting in the difference between the budgetary priorities of the two cities. Most public schools in Parson City possibly are under construction and need lots of money for the buildings and equipment while Blue City may already has a very complete education system. So Blue City’s only concern is the daily expense at maintenance and salaries paid to the employees. Therefore, Blue City spends less money than Parson City on public schools.

    In conclusion, the author fails to prove that residents in Parson City residents place a higher value on providing public schools than Blue City residents do. Unless s/he makes clear that the constituents of two cities’ populations are similar, the number of students are similar, and the number of schools under construction are similar, the author’s opinion is open to criticism.

    March 30, 2021 at 2:07 am

    Score: ungraded


    1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. Repetition of words; punctuation errors (learn how to use semicolon); change vague verbs (i.e., HAVE) to concrete verbs.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.