The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Health Naturally, a small but expanding chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing Topics The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Health Naturally, a small but expanding chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

  • njudu
    University: Nanjing University
    Nationality: China
    March 26, 2020 at 11:55 am

    The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Health Naturally, a small but expanding chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

    “Our previous experience has been that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build one of our new stores in Plainsville, which clearly has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise equipment are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight-training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville’s schoolchildren are required to participate in a program called Fitness for Life, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.”

    Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

    The author links the possible profits of their stores and the residents who are highly concerned about healthy living together, then concludes that Health Naturally should build a new store in Plainsville. However, his argument lacks strong logic in some aspects.

    The author indicates that the residents in Plainsville are willing to purchase the health-related products. However, the motivation for buying these products is unclear. For example, the residents may buy running shoes and exercise equipment for the low prices, the demands will decrease if Health Naturally raise the price for more profits. Also, the author unfairly relates the requirement of early exercise for schoolchildren to the hot-selling of their merchandise. Regular exercise does not mean that the schoolchildren need the equipment, either to protect themselves or to improve the exercise efficiency.

    Additionally, the author fails to assess the prosperity of their products. Maybe the residents actually adore the health-related products, which not however, confirm that they will choose the products of Health Naturally. Whether Health Naturally can succeed in competing with other rivals, no answer we can get from this argument. Even if the residents prefer Health Naturally’s products, the enthusiasm for these products may not last for a long time. To strengthen his/her argument, the author would benefit from analyzing the competitiveness of their products against the rivals’.

    Building upon the implication that their stores are most profitable in regions with residents being zealotic of healthy living, the author suggests that they should build a new store in Plainsville. However, we have no idea about whether the success in the most profitable area is occasional. Maybe they investigate the region with few competitors, or they do research only in the place where people prefer their products. All these factors could lead to a biased conclusion. Unless the previous survey is fully valid and reliable, it can be not used to support the author’s argument.

    The previous success of selling health-related products may attract the Health Naturally to build a new store in Plainsvillle for the possible profits. However, this author’s argument is not likely markedly to persuade the company to invest in this place.

    March 28, 2020 at 6:02 pm

    Score: 53.1

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    njudu
    University: Nanjing University
    Nationality: China
    March 29, 2020 at 8:53 am

    While the author speculates their new store will succeed in Plainsville, this argument lacks substantial logic in some aspects. Although the previous success and possible profits may persuade the company to build a new store, the author needs more evidence to support this argument.

    The author indicates that multiple residents in Plainsville are potential clients for health-related products. Many facts can invalidate this assumption. For example, local residents may buy these products simply for low prices, or tourists induce a durable sale. Also, the club and classes sizes cannot represent the entire lifestyle if they are relatively small compared with the total population. In addition, compulsory regular exercise for schoolchildren is irrelevant to the hot-selling of these products. The lasting time of this program is unclear, and students may participate in exercises that do not require sports equipment.

    Additionally, the author evaluates the prosperity of their products in a deficient way. Assuming local residents adore health-related products, they may not choose the products of Health Naturally. Whether the new store will succeed in competition against existing rivals is unknown. Even if the residents prefer Health Naturally, their enthusiasm for these products may not last for a long time. The author needs further analysis of their product competitiveness to strengthen this argument.

    According to the previous success in those regions where residents care about healthy living, the author suggests that they should build a new store in Plainsville. Yet we have no idea about the validity of their investigation in the most profitable area. Maybe they investigate in regions where there are no competitors, or only in places where people prefer their products. All these factors could lead to a biased conclusion. Unless the previous survey is sufficiently valid and reliable, it cannot be used to support the author’s argument.

    The previous success may attract the company to build a new store in Plainsville for possible profits. However, this author’s argument is not concrete enough to persuade the company to invest in this place.

    March 31, 2020 at 12:56 am

    Score: 51.8

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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