The general welfare of a nation’s people is a better indication of that nation’s greatness than are the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing The general welfare of a nation’s people is a better indication of that nation’s greatness than are the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.

  • nkcare
    University: Nankai University
    Nationality: China
    October 10, 2020 at 10:00 am

    The general welfare of a nation’s people is a better indication of that nation’s greatness than are the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.

    To better discuss the question raised by the claim, people need to give a more precise definition of the greatness of a nation’s greatness. From a personal viewpoint, a nation’s greatness would be best measured by the contribution that the nation made to all the human beings and to the development of the civilization. Under this precondition, the general welfare of a nation’s people is not a better criterion of that nation’s greatness than the achievements of its rulers, artists and scientists.

    To begin with, a nation could be praised as a great nation when it has influential scientific and technological power among the world. Sometimes there comes forth some unprecedented inventions conducted by a nation’s outstanding scientists, which change the lifestyle of the whole mankind and promote the productivity tremendously. For supporting evidence, the first industry revolution that originated in England drastically altered the production method from manual work to machine production. Among many eminent scientists in that era, the well-esteemed English inventor and scholar James Watt who improved the steam engines and put them into practical use introduce all humans to the Age of Steam. Accordingly, England became the cradle of the new technology and the most advanced and flourished country.

    Furthermore, the achievements of artists also play an important role in the greatness of a nation. To some degree, it is of greater importance than the other indicators, say economics and politics, when measuring how great a nation is. It is because that culture is a high-level outcome of Homo sapiens, and only things exist in consciousness would not be extinguished. During the renaissance period, there is a boom in art, architecture, music and many other art domains that started from Italy. Thousands of famous artist spring up in Italy, which make Italy the cultural center of the world from the 14th to the 16th century and the indelible stroke in human history.

    However, some people might refute this point of view by stating that the general welfare of a nation’s people is the fundamental of the overall national strength. If everyone in the nation is affluent, they would pay more attention to the education, governance system and spiritual civilization, which are essential to a great nation. However, this statement is not always tenable, for example, in most of the Middle Eastern countries. These countries have extraordinary resource endowments like crude oil, and they make huge profits by exporting these to other counties. Therefore, their government has enough fortune attributed to all their citizens. However, many countries there, such as Iraq and Syria, were caught in endless wars due to their abundant resources as well as religion conflicts. As a consequence, the countries like them, though have great general welfare on their citizens, are far from the given definition of greatness.

    In conclusion, if a nation’s greatness refers to its ability to promote the development of civilization, there is no categorical relationship between the people’s general welfare in one nation and the extent of its greatness.

    October 15, 2020 at 2:29 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 80% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Wordy – remove unnecessary words and phrases and simplify sentences

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