The increasing use of technology in the workplace has made it easier for young people to find jobs and harder for older people to do so.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing The increasing use of technology in the workplace has made it easier for young people to find jobs and harder for older people to do so.

  • Cassie1990
    University: Ji Lin University
    Nationality: Chinese
    May 8, 2019 at 3:54 pm

    A man has found a freelance job on the Internet and he tries to talk to his client over the phone.

    TOPIC: “The increasing use of technology in the workplace has made it easier for young people to find jobs and harder for older people to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree? ”

    With the development of technology, it is common accepted that it is easier for people to locate suitable jobs. Some people claim that it is not challenging for the old to find jobs since they are highly competitive and experienced. However, I think the youngsters can definitely take advantage of the technology to hunt for a satisfying occupation.

    Although the seniors are equipped with various necessary skills in the workplaces due to their working experience, which means that they can complete difficult tasks in a more effective way. these strengths do not exert any positive effects on their job hunting. This is because their advantages, in turn, will become their weaknesses. For example, the old are experienced in solve various tasks immediately, such as arranging labor force and prioritizing their projects according to the important. However, due to the technology age, the computer can help us make a daily list or arrange different activities, which is more effective and productive.

    I think the youngsters have more advantages of finding a job. First of all, they can use different ways to find the suitable recruiters, such as social media and Internet. For example, Linkin, the most reputable online recruitment system, is an effective venue for citizens to connect with supervisors or even colleagues. However, the old are less likely to social media account or seldom use internet, let alone using the online job hunting system. In addition, the youth can also make full use of technology in the workplaces. For example, they are familiar how to have online convention with their colleagues or make a presentation to show their products by using the PowerPoint. However, in the daily life, the seniors prefer to have face-to-face meetings, which are not available for overseas company or the colleagues who work in the foreign country.

    Therefore, I truly believe that the youth have more advantages in the workplaces because of their computer skills. It is optimal for the old to be more familiar with updating technology in order to find satisfying jobs.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 9, 2019 at 3:35 am

    Score: 52.7

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    2. Convert passive-voice sentences into their active counterparts;
    3. Shorten your essay to -320 words.

    Problems Highlight

    With the development of technology, it is common [Grammatical Error]accepted that it is easier for people to locate suitable jobs. Some people claim that it is not challenging for the old to find jobs since they are highly competitive and experienced. However, I think the youngsters can definitely [Unnecessary Adverb] take advantage of the technology to hunt for a satisfying occupation.

    Although the seniors are equipped with[Passive+ Verbose] various necessary skills in the workplaces due to their working experience, which means that they can complete difficult [Vague Word] tasks in a more effective way[Verbose]. [Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]these strengths do not exert any positive effects on their job hunting. This is because their advantages, in turn, will become their weaknesses. For example, the old are experienced in solve [Grammatical Error]various tasks immediately, such as arranging labor [Non-British Spelling]force and prioritizing their projects according to the important.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence] However, due to the technology age, the computer can help us make a daily list or arrange different activities, which is more effective and productive.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]

    I think the youngsters have more advantages of [Preposition Error] finding a job. First of all, they can use different ways to find the [Article Error] suitable recruiters, such as social media and Internet[Article Error]. For example, Linkin, the most reputable online recruitment system, is an effective venue for citizens to connect with supervisors or even colleagues. However, the old are less likely to social media account or seldom use internet,[Article Error] let alone using the online job hunting system. In addition, the youth can also make full use of technology in the workplaces. For example, they are familiar [Preposition Error] how to have [Article Error]online convention with their colleagues or make a presentation to show their products by using the PowerPoint.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence] However, in the [Article Error]daily life, the seniors prefer to have face-to-face meetings, which are not available for [Article Error]overseas company or the colleagues who work in the foreign country.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]

    Therefore, I truly[Unnecessary Adverb] believe that the youth have more advantages in the workplaces because of their computer skills. It is optimal for the old to be more familiar with updating technology in order to find satisfying jobs.

    [There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Rewrite and resubmit your essay.]