The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S)is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S)is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

  • Lyue
    University: Hohai university
    Nationality: China
    July 11, 2020 at 4:10 pm

    The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S)is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

    The given map provides information about the different-function places of Garlsdon and marks two possible locations of new supermarkets.

    The total population of Garlsdon is 65, 000, which is separated into three main counties named Hindon, Brandon and Crandon, each of them is connected to the center of the town by a main road. The Hindon is in the Northwest of Garlsdon with a distance of 12km, and the Brandon is in the southwest of the town for about 16km, whereas the Cransdon is located in the Southeast with 25 kilometers far from the town center.

    As to the distribution of the town. There are three different uses of land in the main city: industry. housing and town centre. all of them are surrounded by countrysides. The town centre is in the middle of the city. with a railway passing through from the Northwest to the southeast. Besides industry lands are located in the north and south side of the town, and the rest is used for housing.

    To take all the factors into consideration. The best sites for building thesupermarkets are the center of the town and the northwest of the countryside. Both of them would have provided mini one for the citizens.

    July 14, 2020 at 9:21 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Most sentences lack transition words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.