Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.

  • RossChen
    University: University of New South Wales
    Nationality: China
    February 18, 2020 at 8:28 am

    Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.

    It is controversial that whether modern people are more or less dependent on each other. From a personal viewpoint, people nowadays become more dependent. The details are discussed below.

    To begin with, there are several reasons why some argue that people are more independent now. Firstly, with technology developed, modern people are able to accomplish some works alone which requires numerous people to collaborate in order to complete the same task in the past. For instance, in transportation industry, it is impossible for ancient people to transport a large amount of goods in a long distance individually. However, a single modern person with a truck can easily cope with such problem. Apart from this, contemporary people are not only independent in behaviors, but also in mind. Compared with ancient people, masses are able to learn many knowledge through internet. This enhances the knowledge and way of thinking of contemporary people. Hence, a modern person is more mentally independent than before.

    Conversely, some argue that humans are more dependent nowadays. The first reason is that modern people can accomplish enormous tasks individually, which seems complicated and impossible for ancient people. However, this is based on others’ accomplishments. For instance, a person can transport massive products alone has to thank the truck which is made by numerous workers and its designers. In addition, all of the current advanced researches are completed because of tremendous scientists and researchers. Without them, it is impossible that there are a lot of knowledge that can be searched in internet. Therefore, humans are more bonded with each other than in the past.

    To sum up, individuals can finish numerous works alone today, but instead, this is all due to others’ outcomes. Therefore, modern people are more dependent in contemporary life.

    February 18, 2020 at 8:13 pm

    Score: 56.1

    Issues:

    1. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.