The more money people have, the more money they should give away to charity.
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October 30, 2019 at 3:28 pm
TOEFL Writing Topic: The more money people have, the more money they should give away to charity.
Firstly, the reason why I hold this view is that there will set a good example for public, if wealthy people give away to charities. As we all know, people who can earn more money means they must have some talented abilities that will become common people’s hero. Therefore, public public will follow the step of these wealthy people when they donate money to charities. For instant, my favourite people named Lay Zhang, who is a producer of music, he tends to do some charities,like helping poor area school build reading room or setting scholarship to his junior high school, which impressed me a lot. Therefore, his fans follow his way and also donate some money to poetry, no matter how much money. So, he builds up a good example for the whole society. However, if people who earn more money tend to enjoy buying expensive things instead of helping others, in the long run, they will feel bored and have no sense of achievements. Even worse, they may addict to alcohol or drug to achieve satisfaction. Therefor, I think rich man should do more charities.
Secondly, with no doubt that everyone should take duties to make the whole country become better. People who can make more money should take their duties to help country develop and doing charities is a good way to reduce the government’s load which are wonderful. According to the survey conducted by Peking university, even thought the government have had put so many efforts to help poor area, there are still huge people under the lowest line of income, which means public should do something not just the government. So people who earn more money are the best choice. When they donate their money to help others that the government will relief a little. For example, Jack Ma helps a large number of rural teachers to get trains which will definitely improve teaching level. Under such condition, I note for the latter one.
October 31, 2019 at 1:57 amTOEFL Writing Topic: The more money people have, the more money they should give away to charity.
Score: Ungraded
Recommendations:
- Restrict each paragraph to 85 words;
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors concerning your essay.
October 31, 2019 at 3:22 pmFirst, the reason why I hold this view is that there will be a good example for public if wealthy people give away to charities. As we all know, people having the ability to earn more money tend to become ordinary people’s hero, because they must be talented in some flied. Hence, public will follow the step of these wealthy people and do what they do, such as donating money to charities. For instance, my favorite people named Lay Zhang, who is a producer of music, he tends to do some charities, like helping poor areas’ school build up reading rooms or setting scholarship for his junior high school. Which inspired me a lot. Therefore, his fans follow his way and also donate some money to poetry, no matter how much money. Consequently, he builds up a wonderful example for the whole society. However, in the long run, if people who are capable of earning more money just enjoy buying expensive things instead of helping others, they will feel bored and have no sense of achievement. Even worse, they may addict to alcohol or drug to achieve satisfaction. So, I think rich men should do more charities.
Second, without doubts that everyone should take responsibilities to make the whole country become better. People who are able to make more money should take their duties to help the country develop. And clearly, doing charities is a excellent way to reduce the government’s load. According to the survey conducted by Peking University, even though the government had had put so many efforts to help poor areas, there are still a large number of people under the lowest line of incomes. This situation means that public should do something not just the government. So people who earn more money are the best choice. When they donate money to help others, the government will relief a little. For example, Jack Ma helps a large number of rural teachers to get training, which will definitely improve teachers’ level. Hence, the rural students can get better educations in the future. Under such a condition, I note for the latter one.
October 31, 2019 at 7:27 pmScore: Ungraded
Study these writing tips.
You didn’t revise your essay according to my advice. You need to restrict each paragraph to 85 words. You also need to include the first and the last paragraph and make sure the whole essay is between 280 and 320 words.
First,
the reason why I hold this view is that[redundant ]As we all know[redundant ]and do what they do[ redundant ] , [ punctuation error ] such as donating money to charities. For instance, my favorite people [ word form error ] named Lay Zhang, who is a producer of music, [ punctuation error ] he tends to do some charities[ unclear ] , like/such as helping [ article error ] poor areas’ school build up reading roomsorand setting scholarship for his junior high school. [grammatical/punctuation error ] Which inspired me a lot. Therefore, his fans follow [grammatical error ] his way and also donate [grammatical error ] some money to poetry, no matter how much money[ redundant]. Consequently, he builds[ grammatical error/incorrect word/set ] up a wonderful example for the whole society.However,in In the long run, however, if people who are capable of earning more money just enjoy [grammatical error ] buying expensive things instead of helping others, they will[ grammatical error ] feel bored andhave notherefore would lose the sense of achievement. Even worse, they may addict to alcohol or drug to achieve satisfaction. [punctuation error concerning use of coordinating word ] So, I think rich men should do more charities.Second, without doubts that everyone should take responsibilities to make the whole country become better. People who are able to make more money should take their duties to help the country develop. And clearly, doing charities is a excellent way to reduce the government’s load. According to the survey conducted by Peking University, even though the government had had put so many efforts to help poor areas, there are still a large number of people under the lowest line of incomes. This situation means that public should do something not just the government. So people who earn more money are the best choice. When they donate money to help others, the government will relief a little. For example, Jack Ma helps a large number of rural teachers to get training, which will definitely improve teachers’ level. Hence, the rural students can get better educations in the future. Under such a condition, I note for the latter one.
I revised one paragraph of your essay and decided to stop since it contains numerous errors. Your essay suggests that you lack an appropriate language sense, so I recommend you to practice speaking and listening (with native speakers) while improving your writing competency. Regards.
