The more money people have, the more money they should give away to charity.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing The more money people have, the more money they should give away to charity.

  • Weitao Liu
    University: Beihang Univerisity
    Nationality: China
    August 2, 2020 at 1:57 pm

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The more money people have, the more money they should give away to charity.

    There is a belief that wealthy people seem to donate more money to society or nonprofit organizations than normal ones because they have much more freedom to distribute their money. However, as far as I am concerned, I hold a different view.

    First off, the extend of wealth a person has cannot be an absolute measure for how much money he or she would like to donate to charity. I mean, the action and intention of donating money are dependent upon many factors, like the person’s thoughts and social environment. If a person holds a belief that giving what she earned back into society to help others is the right and reasonable thing, she will seize every opportunity to work on charity. However, no matter how affluent a stingy person is, he must feel reluctant to take even a penny out of his pocket. We must have heard numerous stories that when a catastrophe occurs and the government or the local community ask for help from all over the country, some people just with a common job and not high salary donate all most all savings.

    Second, it is true that people having more money is likely to give away more money to charity in a stable and optimistic economic environment. However, the more money they have or run, the more risks they take. Under depression time, business people are commonly worried about the fate of their company because if they lack the money to operate the whole thing, they will be faced with the bankrupt. That means they will pay countless money to the bank and their employees. Under such circumstances, wealthy people normally pay more attention to their safety and would like to deposit most of their money, while common people have fewer financial responsibilities and pressures so that they are highly likely to give away more money to charity if they would like to.

    In conclusion, a person who has a lot of money does not necessarily mean he would like to donate much money to charity, the behavior of denoting are linked to many factors.

    August 3, 2020 at 3:56 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Make your argument clear in the introduction, what is your view?
    2. Wordy – simplify sentences and remove unnecessary words
    3. Word choice errors
    4. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    5. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Tagged: