The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take.

Score: ungraded

Issues:

1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
2. About 25% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
3. Many pronouns are unclear.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

This prompt points to a general perception that the youth is on the frontline of contemporary culture. Indeed, young people are the creative and energetic part of the [ article error ] society, (which makes it inevitable to analyze the younger generation for understanding modern culture) [unclear  ]. However, I will [tense error  ] argue that we should not overlook the older generation [logically, an incomplete sentence   ].

We cannot be negligent of how much the youth can tell about today’s culture. Because of their age, they become [are  ]the most creative and energetic [portion of the population  ]people, and their [ Their ] requirements partly determine the consumption of their parents, the major labor of the society. What they [ unclear pronoun ] like and how they behave largely orient (future streams)[ unclear  ]. For example, [ article error  ]contemporary (internet-famous)[  unclear ] culture is [ grammatical error  ]raised and supported firstly by young people(. But)[ , but  ] now it’s becoming (more and more)[ wordy  ] popular among the middle-aged. So does[ grammatical error  ] Hip-hop. It[ unclear pronoun  ]’s originated from[ article error  ] movements formed by African-American and Latino youths, and then became [  unparalleled ]popular outside of the African-American community. From these cases, (the study of )[ wordy  ]the trends of youths can offer a sneak peek into the orientation of contemporary cultural development.

However, culture is highly affected by (the constitution of the population)[wordy   ]. It will [ tense error  ]be reductionist to argue that the study of youths is sufficient to capture the contemporary culture, since a diverse range of cultures among other ages speaks volumes about the society’s atmosphere, especially in an aging society. In addition, it’s middle-aged adults who occupy the major positions in the working market have[ grammatical error  ] enough (money, resources)[resources including money/financial resource   ] and forces[ unclear word  ] to influence the mainstream culture in the whole society. In a nutshell, we should incorporate the study of ages besides youths,[punctuation error   ] to better and more fully appreciate a society’s culture.

For example, “Cuihun”[ punctuation error  ] which means the older generation pushing young people into marriage, is becoming a new routine during[ article error  ] Chines[  spelling error ] New Year. This new trend apparently relates to people (around parents’ ages)[  unclear ] rather than the youths’. It’s [ article error  ]people aged 50-70 [ missing pronoun  ]make young men and women feel anxious and pressured about matrimony. Their[ unclear pronoun  ] ideas form the backdrop to[ preposition error  ] the society. It seems if you’re not married, you’re doing something wrong. A careful study of [article error   ] “Cuihun culture” will contribute to our understanding of[ article error  ] contemporary Chinese culture.

If we were to embark on an endeavor to explore and understand a society’s culture, we could [grammatical error   ]start from gathering knowledge about its youth. But it’s not necessarily the most efficient way of understanding a society’s contemporary culture.