The most important problems affecting our society today can be solved during my lifetime.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing The most important problems affecting our society today can be solved during my lifetime.

  • afasa sg
    University: BNU
    Nationality: China
    December 21, 2020 at 10:51 am

    The most important problems affecting our society today can be solved during my lifetime.

    Our world is facing unprecedented crises in history: climate change, Covid-19 pandemic, social injustice and so forth. While some might say these problems are difficult to solve, I would be confident of human’s capacity and optimistic about our world’s future. I deeply believe I could see those problems solved during my lifetime.

    Throughout history, human beings have confronted numerous challenges from the Stone Age to the Third Technology Revelution. Our ancestors living in the remote caves in Africa were dealing with the risk of predators like lions and tigers everyday. Several hundreds of years later, we became the paramount species through teamwork, wisdom and perseverance. After nuclear weapons were invented, many scientists were afraid of the outbreak of nuclear war because it was estimated that the whole amount of dusts released by the explosion of nuclear weapons in the world would definitely block the sunlight and cause the longest winter and night in human history. 100 years later, even though there were tensions between empires like the USA and the Soviet Union, we only saw the Cold War instead of Nuclear War. Lots of international agreements have been signed by countries with nuclear weapons, which urges those countries to reduce the amount of nuclear weapons gradually down to zero. Those successful examples, can give us great confidence of how smart we human beings actually are.

    It is true that crisis we are confronted now is severe and hard to solve and there’s no sign showing the majority of us is treating them serously. However, I believe as long as we see the consequences such as possible extinction, the whole world would definitely work together to solve them. Because no one can risk the cost of its life.

    To sum up, I believe in human efforts and wisdom. The long history has repeatedly proven it. Each generation has its own crises to face, and it turned out we have done great so far. Therefore, I would say proudly and confidently, problems in front of us are bound to be solved during my life time. And I look forward to that.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 10, 2021 at 3:13 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Shorten each paragraph to 90- words.
    4. Some grammatical and article problems.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    afasa sg
    University: BNU
    Nationality: China
    January 24, 2021 at 7:20 am

    Our world is facing unprecedented crises in history: climate change, Covid-19 pandemic, social injustice, and so forth. While some might say these problems are impossible to solve, I would be confident of humankind’s capacity and optimistic about our world’s future. I honestly believe I could see those problems solved during my lifetime.

    Throughout history, human beings have confronted numerous challenges from the Stone Age to the Third Technology Revolution. Our ancestors living in the remote caves in Africa were dealing with the risk of predators like lions and tigers every single day. Several hundreds of years later, we became the paramount species through teamwork, wisdom, and perseverance. After nuclear weapons invented, many were afraid of the outbreak of nuclear war. Because it was estimated once it broke out, the whole amount of dusts released by the explosion of nuclear weapons would block the sunlight and bring about the longest winter in human history. One hundred years later, even though there were tensions between empires like the USA and the Soviet Union, we only saw the Cold War instead of the Nuclear War. Lots of international agreements on nuclear weapon usages have been signed between countries, aiming to reduce the quantity of nuclear weapons gradually down to zero. Those successful instances above displays how smart we humankinds are and comfort our anxiety of the future.

    It is true we are confronting severe crisis now and the very few is treating them serously. However, I believe as long as we see the consequences such as possible extinction, the whole world would definitely work together to solve them, for no one can risk the cost of its life.

    To sum up, I believe in human efforts and wisdom. The long history has repeatedly proven it. Each generation has its own crises to face, and it turned out we have done great so far. Therefore, I would say proudly and confidently, problems in front of us are bound to be solved during my lifetime. And I look forward to that.

    老师已经修改好,最后几段您给我的截图里没有,我凭感觉改的。

    想问一下,definitely 和 because, everyday, difficult 为什么要替换,是因为low了嘛

     

    • This reply was modified 8 hours, 16 minutes ago by Administrator.
    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 25, 2021 at 2:48 am

    Our world is facing unprecedented crises in history: [including  ]climate change, [ the COVID-19 ]Covid-19 pandemic, social injustice, and so forth. While some might say these problems are impossible to solve, I would be [am  ]confident of[about / or say ‘ I hold the optimism for ] humankind’s capacity and optimistic about our world’s future[of resolving all these challenges in my lifetime  ]. I honestly believe I could see those problems solved during my lifetime.

    Throughout history, [From the Stone Age to the Third Technology Revolution,    ]human beings have confronted [ and solved  ]numerous challenges from the Stone Age to the Third Technology Revolution. Our ancestors living [The ancient people who lived   ]in the remote caves in Africa[ , for instance,  ] were dealing with the risk of [faced attacking threats from   ]predators like lions and tigers every single day[ logical incompleteness  ]. Several hundreds of years later, we [ As time unfolded, humans eventually  ]became the paramount species through teamwork, wisdom, and perseverance. After nuclear weapons [ were  ]invented, many were afraid of the outbreak of [ a  ]nuclear war. Because it was estimated[once it broke out, the whole amount of dusts released by the explosion of nuclear weapons would block the sunlight and bring about the longest winter in human history.][ wordy/unclear  ] One hundred years later, [  During the prior century, ]even though there were tensions between empires like the USA and the Soviet Union, [two global superpowers,   ]we only saw [ only  ]the Cold War instead of the Nuclear War. [ In fact, many  ]Lots of international agreements on nuclear weapon usages have been [were   ]signed[  /concluded ] between countries, aiming to reduce the quantity of nuclear weapons gradually down to zero. Those successful instances above displays[ symbolize  ] how smart we humankinds[ humankind’s ingenuity  ] are and comfort[minimize   ] our anxiety of [ for  ]the future.

    It is true we are confronting severe crisis [ crises  ]now (and the very few is treating them serously)[unclear   ]. However, (I believe as long as we see the consequences such as possible extinction, the whole world would definitely work together to solve them, for no one can risk the cost of its life)[ unclear/wordy/lots of grammatical errors  ].

    To sum up, I believe in human efforts and wisdom. (The long history has repeatedly proven it)[ unclear, choppy sentence  ]. Each generation has its own crises to face, [ logically disconnected here  ]and it turned out we have done great so far. Therefore, I would say proudly and confidently, [ with confidence that  ](problems in front of us are bound to be solved during my lifetime)[repetitive writing without new informatin introduced   ]. And I look forward to that.