Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

  • vanillaaa
    University: BFU
    Nationality: China
    May 31, 2020 at 12:19 am

    Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

    Nowadays, many people of low socio-economic status are suffering from poor living conditions because of the substantial inequality of wealth among social classes. In my opinion, people being rich should give priority to helping other people.

    Rich people are more likely to put their excessive money into good causes and contribute to the well being to the society. For example, they can donate their money to charities and lighten the burden on those families who are living under enormous economic pressure. If they invest in education programs, young people from less well-off background will have an incentive to attend college to acquire knowledge and skills, which can improve their job prospects. By contrast, ordinary people may find it harder to make a positive difference to the general public because of the lack of financial assistance.

    In addition, giving support to other people can bring a sense of long-term fulfillment to the rich. Most of their accomplishments come from the money they earn, which may only bring them a short period of happiness and satisfaction. Once they find it less meaningful to generate more material wealth, helping others can help them realize their value and enrich their spiritual world. Otherwise, people in possession of a large amount of money may indulge themselves and feel meaningless and lost.

    On the other hand, reaching out to others is not the only important thing for rich men. It is reasonable for them to invest in themselves by making use of their own money. They can choose to decorate their house to improve their living standard, attend more training courses to enhance their abilities, or go on a journey to enrich their life experiences. In this way, they can truly benefit from their wealth and enjoy their lives.

    In conclusion, helping others should be taken in the first place for being rich, although it is also important to enjoy a high quality of personal life.

    June 1, 2020 at 10:50 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    vanillaaa
    University: BFU
    Nationality: China
    June 2, 2020 at 6:03 am

    Nowadays, many people of low socio-economic status are suffering from poor living conditions, because of the increasing inequality of wealth. In my opinion, people being rich should give priority to helping other people.

    Rich people are more likely to put their money into good causes, thereby improve the well-being of the society. For example, they can donate their money to charities and lighten the burden on some families, especially those living under enormous economic pressure. If more money is invested in education programs, young people from less well-off background will have an incentive to attend college. The knowledge and skills they learn can back up their competency and improve their job prospects. By contrast, ordinary people may find it harder to contribute positively to the general public, because many of them lack adequate funds.

    Additionally, giving support to other people can bring a sense of long-term fulfillment to the rich. Most of their accomplishments come from the money they earn, which may only bring them a short period of happiness and satisfaction. Once they find it less meaningful to generate more material wealth, helping others can enrich their spiritual world. Otherwise, people in possession of a large amount of money may simply indulge themselves.

    However, reaching out to others is not the only important thing for rich men. It is reasonable for them to invest in themselves by making use of their own money. They can choose to decorate their house, attend more training courses, or travel around the world. In this way, they can truly benefit from their wealth and enjoy their lives.

    In conclusion, helping others should be taken in the first place for being rich, although it is also important to improve their living standard.

    June 2, 2020 at 12:05 pm

    Score: 58.2

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Many grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    vanillaaa
    University: BFU
    Nationality: China
    June 3, 2020 at 2:21 am

    Many people of low socio-economic status are suffering from poor living conditions because of the increasing inequality of wealth. In my opinion, people being rich should give top priority to helping others.

    Rich people are more likely to put their money into good causes, thereby improving the well-being of the society. For example, they can donate their money to charities and lighten the burden of some families, especially those living under enormous economic pressure. If more money is invested in education programs, young people from less well-off background will have an incentive to attend college. The knowledge and skills they learn can back up their competency and improve their job prospects. By contrast, ordinary people may find it harder to contribute positively to the general public, because most of them lack adequate funds.

    Another reason is that the fulfillment of supporting people in need is everlasting, while the happiness brought by wealth can be transient. Once rich men find it less meaningful to generate more wealth, helping others can help enrich their spiritual world. This is vitally important to one’s life. Otherwise, people in possession of a multitude of money may simply indulge themselves.

    On the other hand, it is also reasonable for wealthy people to invest in themselves, despite being less important. They can choose to decorate their houses, attend more training courses, or travel around the world. In this way, they can truly benefit from their fortune and enjoy their life.

    In conclusion, helping others should be taken in the first place for being rich, although it is also worthwhile to improve living standard.

     

    June 3, 2020 at 2:35 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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