In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

  • RedTH
    University: CDTU
    Nationality: China
    January 26, 2021 at 10:10 am

    In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

    Technological changes and the increase in people’s wealth have contributed to the development of human’s life expectancy, and aging population can be seen in many countries now. Although elderly people are more experienced and knowledgeable, the drawbacks are outweigh the advantages in my view.

    One problem related to aging population is the decline in productivity. With ages, the elderly are less likely to burden essential task and heavy work as their memory shrinks and body becomes weak, while the young people undertake majority of the work. In that case, elderly people play little role in completing works, which means low productivity caused by senior workers when the aging population becomes severe.

    Another problem is the aging population impose a burden on economy in society. As the numbers of elderly people growing, it is necessary for the government to take measures to increase the tax associated with annuity, which put pressure on young people. Moreover, the elderly people can not stimulate consumption as their ability to consume is much worsen than youngsters.

    On the other hand, aging population does have its positive aspect as the valuable experience form elderly people is a big asset for young people. The senior workers are more sophisticated in their work and have more experience about how to handle the relationships, how to manage a company and how to face the crisis. They are always far-sighted that they can give junior colleagues good suggestions. These precious experience can only be learned from the elderly people.

    In conclusion, aging population is a sever problem that leads to the decline in productivity of society and puts a pressure on both governments and young people struggling with the economy. These social issues can not be tackled easily although the experience of elderly people is valuable.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 27, 2021 at 2:17 am

    Score: 48.2

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.