The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict.

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  • yahe
    University: National Chiao Tung University
    Nationality: Taiwan
    October 15, 2020 at 1:56 am

    The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict.

    In the modern world, there are many complex rules that restrict young people’s behavior. However, these rules that expect young people to follow and obey are well made and have positive effects on them. Therefore, I believe that the rules that societies today expect them to follow and obey are not too strict.

    First, these rules are made and modified by the adults that were young once before. They know the problems that young people might make. Thus, they set up rules to prevent young ones to learn bad habits. For example, people make rules to restrict young people to smoke and drink alcohol because that young people may not know that smoking and drinking alcohol are bad to their health when they are still young. When they are old enough, they will understand that these rules are made to protect them. If people do not make rules progressively to prevent young people from these bad things, young people might try out them just because it seemed cool to do like smoking.

    Secondly, some rules may seem too strict but essential to young people. For example, in Taiwan, we made every child go to school until they are 18 years old. This rule might seem too strict for some families because they cannot afford the cost. Nevertheless, it is important for children to go to schools so that they can make more money to improve their lives in the future. In addition, the government will support these families with funding. Without this rule, some children might be pushed to work immediately by their parents when they can do works, which is bad for the children because their brains are still developing.

    In short, I think that the rules that societies nowadays expect young people to follow and obey are reasonable and well made. Without these rules, they might learn bad habits which are bad for their lives.

    October 15, 2020 at 8:48 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    October 15, 2020 at 8:48 pm

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