The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict.

  • Lynn.
    University: SUFE
    Nationality: China
    October 31, 2020 at 2:42 pm

    The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict.

    Looking around today’s society, it wouldn’t be strange to find that the majority of people are acting in the way they are expected to perform rather than they truly want. Among all of these rules, the one that is most incomprehensible to me are the rules and restrictions that imposed on young people, such as always be obedient to elders and so on. Therefore, I second the statement that the rules that society expect young people to follow are too strict.

    First and foremost, it is ridiculous that young people should always be respectful to elders. It is deeply entrenched in many of the societies that young people should always remain respectful the elders. Nevertheless, while young people act in the way they’re expected, some elders may take advantage of it to fulfill their selfish minds. For instance, last week my family planned to drive to visit my grandparents. While driving through a cross road, an old man suddenly laid on the middle of the road, without being hit by our car. He insisted we hit him and ask for an exorbitant medical treatment fee. But for the video tape in our car, we can do nothing to clarify to policemen.

    Second, young people should not be labeled as unsuccessful if they do not perform well academically. In today’s society, numerous people hold an opinion that the only criteria for success is whether they can get good grades or whether they are admitted in good universities. Therefore, young people are expected to work hard in order to get high grades. However, for me, the most important thing for young people is to make themselves happy and feel free to choose the field they like. Not every path lead to success is alike.

    In short, owing to the fact that young people are facing lots of uncertainty confronted with elders and children as well as the different opportunities for them to choose, I think they should be allowed to perform in the way they want instead of be restricted in the box that comes from the norm of society.

    November 2, 2020 at 9:15 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 40% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Subject-verb agreement errors
    4. Support your argument in the introduction – why do you agree?

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Lynn.
    University: SUFE
    Nationality: China
    November 3, 2020 at 7:12 am

    It wouldn’t be strange to find that lots of young people nowadays are doing things based on others’ expectation rather than they want. Young people are asked to follow many social norms such as always be obedient to elders and never stop working. For me, these requirements imposed on young adults are too strict to obey.

     

    First and foremost, it is unreasonable that young people should always be obedient to elders. It is deeply embedded in people’s mind that young people should respect every old people under any circumstance. However, while young people act in an appropriate way, some elders may take advantage of the young’s kindness, blackmailing them for money. For instance, last week my family planned to drive to visit my grandparents. While driving through a crossroad, a man around 60 years old suddenly laid in front of us. He insisted we hit him and asked for an exorbitant medical treatment fee. But for the automobile data recorder in our car, we can do nothing to clarify to policemen.

     

    Second, young people should not be labeled as unsuccessful if they do not perform well academically. In today’s society, numerous people believe that the only criteria for success are whether they can get good grades or be admitted in good universities. Therefore, young people are supposed to work hard in order to get high grades. However, there are lots of famous and successful people who didn’t get good grades in school such as the Jackie Chen and Jack Ma. From my perspective, the most important thing for young people is to make themselves happy and feel free to choose the field they like. Not every path leads to success is alike.

     

    In short, since some elders are wicked and good grades obtained in school do not have straightforward relationship with success, I personally believe that the rules society expect young people to follow are too rigid and strict.

    November 6, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    Score: 58.8

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 35% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Refer to previous suggestions: many subject-ver agreement errors
    4. Article errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.