The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • Susie Lin
    University: Guangzhou University
    Nationality: China
    December 5, 2020 at 4:45 pm

    The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Whether the rules for teenagers and youth today are too strict has been triggered a heated discussion. In many adults’ views, it is accurate and essential for young people to follow and obey social rules. However, as a young people, contrary to their opinions is my perspective that the rule that societies expect us to follow is so strict and hard to accept.

    Due to the large population, people in China own limited education resources and compete fiercely for entering excellent universities. The exam-oriented education makes everyone nervous, including teachers and parents, not to mention students. Under this circumstance, young people are required to be highly self-discipline in the study and possess less entertaining time. Students in school have plenty of homework to do whether on weekdays or on weekends and most of their time has been occupied by classes and assignments. What’s more, there are a lot of rules which ban a wide range of things and then cut students’ relaxing time. For example, puppy love is not allowed in both school rules and social rules. To avoid it, boys and girls need to keep distance from each other in order to prevent misunderstanding by others. Mobile phones are always forbidden using by students in the campus either, which weaken their social skills and make people tired.

    Society also makes some unspoken rules of gender stereotype, which limit people’s interest and professional development. For instance, woman are expected to learn literature while man are supposed to make contributions to science and technology. Women who major in technological field are always worried about their career development because human resource managers prefer to recruit male employees. When in job interview, employers are likely to believe that workers of certain gender can behave better than the other gender, which regards as gender stereotype. However, such rules are incorrect and unfair, which make career choice limited and strict for young people.

    In conclusion, the rules, which societies expect younger to follow nowadays are too strict and unreasonable to obey, whether in the school or the workplace.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 7, 2020 at 5:04 pm

    Score: 56.5

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Susie Lin
    University: Guangzhou University
    Nationality: China
    December 9, 2020 at 5:17 am

    Whether the rules for teenagers and youth today are too strict has triggered a heated discussion. In many adults’ views, it is accurate and essential for young people to follow and obey social rules. However, contrary to their opinions, the rule that societies expect us to follow is so strict and hard to accept.

    Due to the large population, people in China own limited education resources and compete fiercely for entering excellent universities. Education makes everyone nervous, including teachers and parents, not to mention students. Under such nervous circumstance, young people must be highly self-disciplined in the study and possess less enjoyable time. Students in the school have plenty of homework to do, whether on weekdays or on weekends. What’s more, there are many rules that ban a wide range of things and then cut students’ relaxing time. For example, puppy love is not allowed in both school rules and social rules. To avoid it, boys and girls need to keep some distances from each other for preventing misunderstanding by others. Mobile phones are always forbidden playing by students on the campus, which weakens their social skills and make them tired.

    Some society also makes some unspoken rules of gender stereotypes, which limit people’s interest and professional development. For instance, women are expected to learn literature while men are supposed to contribute to science and technology. Women who major in technology field are always worried about their career development, because human resource managers prefer to recruit male employees. When in interview, employers are likely to believe that workers of a gender can behave better than the other gender, which regards as gender stereotypes. Nevertheless, such rules are incorrect and unfair, which limited career choice and is really strict for young people.

    In conclusion, the rules which societies expect younger to follow nowadays are too strict and unreasonable to obey, whether in the school or the workplace.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 12, 2020 at 5:29 pm

    Score: 57.4

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Susie Lin
    University: Guangzhou University
    Nationality: China
    December 15, 2020 at 6:02 am

    Whether the rules for teenagers and youth today are too strict has triggered a heated discussion. In many adults’ views, it is accurate and essential for young people to follow and obey social rules. However, contrary to their opinions, the rule that societies expect us to follow is so strict and hard to accept.

    Due to the large population, people in China own limited education resources and compete fiercely for entering excellent universities. Education makes everyone nervous, including teachers and parents, not to mention students. Under such situation, young people must be self-disciplined in the study and possess less enjoyable time. Students in the school have plenty of homework to do, whether on weekdays or weekends. What’s more, some rules ban a wide range of things and then cut students’ relaxing time. For example, puppy love is not allowed in both school rule and social rule. To follow the rule, boys and girls need to keep some distance from each other, preventing misunderstanding by other classmates. Mobile phones are always forbidden playing by students on the campus, which weakens their social skills and make them tired.

    Some society also makes some unspoken rules of gender stereotypes, limiting people’s interest and professional development. For instance, women are expected to learn literature while men are supposed to contribute to science and technology. Women who major in technology field are always worried about their career development, because human resource managers prefer to recruit male employees. When in interview, employers are likely to believe that workers of a gender can behave better than the other gender, which regards as gender stereotypes. Nevertheless, such rules are incorrect and unfair, which limited career choice and is strict for young people.

    In conclusion, the rules which societies expect younger to follow nowadays are too strict and unreasonable to obey, whether in the school or the workplace.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 15, 2020 at 4:59 pm

    Score: 57.1

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. In consideration of sentence coherence, the subject of a sentence better echoes the subject, or the object, of the prior sentence. The subject of a passive sentence, however, often fails to do so, which severely damages the logical flow between sentences.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 15, 2020 at 5:00 pm

    Whether the rules for teenagers and youth today are too strict has triggered a heated discussion.[Write in your own words  ] In many adults’ views, (it is)[ unclear and redundant – remove the words and rewrite the sentence ] accurate and essential for young people to follow and obey social rules. However, contrary to their opinions, (the rule that societies expect us to follow)[  whose position?] is so [ so…that ] strict and hard to accept.

    Due to the[ article error ] large population, (people in China)[wordy  ] own limited education [word form error  ] resources and[wrong conjunction word  ] compete fiercely for entering[  wrong word] excellent [prestigious  ] universities[Factual error/This is an example; use it subsequent to a topic sentence  ] . Education makes everyone nervous[ factual error ] , including[misplaced word  ] teachers and parents, not to mention students. Under such [ article error ] situation, young people must be self-disciplined[ factual error ] in the study and possess[ unparalleled  ] less enjoyable time. Students in the school have plenty of homework to do, whether on weekdays or weekends[logical confusion  ] . What’s more, some rules ban a wide range of things[ vague word ] and then cut [ logical confusion ] students’ relaxing time. For example, (puppy love is not allowed in both school rule and social rule)[ unclear ] . To follow the rule, boys and girls need to keep some distance from each other, preventing misunderstanding by other classmates. (Mobile phones are always forbidden playing)[grammatical error  ] by students on the[article error  ] campus, which weakens their [unclear pronoun  ] social skills and make[grammatical error  ] them tired.

    Some society[ word form error ] also makes some unspoken (rules of gender stereotypes)[ unclear ] , limiting people’s interest and professional development. For instance, women are expected to learn literature while men are supposed to contribute to science and technology[absolute statement  ] . Women who major[ wrong word ] in [ article error ] technology field are always[absolute statement  ] worried about their career development, [ punctuation error ] because human resource managers prefer to recruit male employees. When in [ article error ] interview[ when/in redundant ] , employers are likely to believe that (workers of a gender )[unclear  ] can behave better than the other gender, (which regards)[grammatical error  ] as gender stereotypes. Nevertheless, such rules are incorrect and unfair, which limited[grammatical error  ] career choice and is [unparalleled  ] strict for young people.

    In conclusion, the rules which societies expect (younger)[  word form error] to follow nowadays are too strict and unreasonable to obey, whether in the school or the workplace.