The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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April 20, 2021 at 1:31 am
The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
I don’t think the rules in societies are too strict for young people to follow nowadays. It is necessary that the young obey specific rules to maintain the order and etiquette of the society.
Basic rules preventing people from breaking the laws are so fundamental that every citizen should never disobey. They’re the duty of every adult which keep our societies well-organized. These rules have been formed for hundreds of years and will continue to be widely accepted for centuries because of their necessity. So they’re never too strict to follow for every grown up, including young people.
Other rules like lending others helping hands, being diligent or respecting others are not written black and white, but are also rules that young people should follow. However, I wouldn’t consider it as we passively ‘follow’ these rules, but that we are exposed to these virtues and then unconsciously ‘choose’ to behave accordingly. Recall when we were kids in kindergartens, teachers always taught us to share with others. Although being unwilling, we still handed over our toy to another kid and received his/her toy. Surprisingly, we discovered that his/her toy was something new and interesting that we never had. By sharing and exchanging, we enjoyed double happiness. After this experience, we gradually learnt that sharing is a good exercise which can generate delight or even promote friendship. So maybe for the rest of our lives, we will continue sharing with others. This process of internalizing a virtue can be applied to other rules that the society expect us to follow. In this way, following these rules, maybe more appropriate to call them ‘virtues’, are obviously the free will of young people, thus not being strict for them.
In conclusion, the rules that societies expect the young to obey are either very basic or very pleasant for us, so they’re never too strict to follow.
April 20, 2021 at 2:27 amScore: ungraded
Issues:
- About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
- About 40% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
- Lengthy paragraphs; restrict each paragraph to 90words.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
April 20, 2021 at 3:12 amRevision:
I don’t think the rules in societies are too strict for young people to follow nowadays. The young must comply with specific regulations to maintain the order and etiquette of the community.
Basic rules like mustn’t break the laws, are so fundamental that every citizen should obey. They’re the duty of every adult which preserve our societies well-organized. These rules have existed for centuries and will continue to be effective because of their necessity. So following them is easy for every grown-up, including young people.
Another kind of rules includes lending others helping hands, being diligent, and respecting others. They are not written black and white but are also what young people should follow. However, I don’t think we passively ‘follow’ these rules, but ‘choose’ to behave accordingly after attempts. Recall when we were kids in kindergartens, teachers always taught us to share with others. Although unwilling, we still handed over our toy to another kid and received his/her toy. To our surprise, we discovered that his/her toy was new and engaging. By sharing and exchanging, we enjoyed double happiness. After this experience, we learn that sharing is a good exercise as it generates delight and promotes friendships. So for the rest of our lives, we will continue sharing with others. In this way, following these rules is internalizing them in essence. It’s the free will of young people, thus not being strict for them.
In conclusion, obeying social rules is either basic or pleasant for us, so it’s never too strict.
April 20, 2021 at 12:10 pmI don’t think the rules in societies are too strict for young people to follow nowadays. The young must comply with specific regulations to maintain the order and etiquette of the community.
Basic rules like( mustn’t break the laws)[grammatical error ], [ punctuation error ]are so fundamental[ repetition/’basic’ ] that every citizen should obey. They[ unclear pronoun ]’re the duty of every adult which [grammatical error ]preserve[ grammatical error ] our societies well-organized. These rules have existed for centuries and[ unmatched /have done-will : change sentence structure ] will continue to be effective because of their necessity. So following them is easy for every grown-up, including young people.
Another kind[/type ] of rules includes (lending others helping hands)[wrong phrase ], being diligent, and respecting others. They are not written black and white but[ unmatched ] are also what young people should follow. However, I don’t think we passively ‘follow’ these rules, but ‘choose’ to behave accordingly after attempts[ grammatical error ]. Recall when we were (kids in kindergartens)[repetition ], teachers always taught us to share
with others. Although unwilling[ grammatical error ], we still handed over our toy to another kid and received his/her toy. To our surprise, we discovered that his/her toy was new and engaging. By sharing and exchanging, we enjoyed (double happiness)[ unclear ]. (After this experience, we)[ confusing ] learn[ grammatical error ] that sharing is a good exercise as it generates delight and promotes friendships[word form error ]. So for the rest of our lives, we will continue sharing with others. In this way[ wrong transition ], following these rules is internalizing them in essence. It[unclear pronoun ]’s the free will of young people, thus not being strict for them.In conclusion, obeying social rules is either basic[vague word ] or pleasant for us, so it’s never too[ incorrect adverb ] strict.
July 16, 2021 at 3:00 amI don’t think the rules in societies are too strict for young people to follow nowadays. The young must comply with specific regulations to maintain the order and etiquette of the community.
Basic rules like not breaking the laws are so fundamental that every citizen should obey. These are the duty of every adult, preserving our societies well-organized. Having existed for centuries, they will continue to be effective because of their necessity. So following them is easy for every grown-up, including young people.
Another type of rules includes lending a helping hand, being diligent, and respecting others. Though not written black and white, they are also what young people should follow. However, I don’t think we passively ‘follow’ these rules, but ‘choose’ to behave accordingly after trial and error. Recall when we were kids, teachers always taught us to share. Although feeling unwilling, we still handed over our toy to another kid and received his/her toy. To our surprise, we discovered that his/her toy was new and engaging. By sharing and exchanging, we enjoyed more happiness than mindlessly locking up our possessions, thus understanding that sharing is a good exercise as it generates delight and promotes friendship. So for the rest of our lives, we will continue sharing with others. This whole process illustrates how we follow these rules and actively internalize them in essence. Following rules is chosen by young people with a will, so it’s not too strict for them.
In conclusion, obeying social rules is either elementary or pleasant for us, so it’s never so strict.
July 16, 2021 at 12:04 pmFinal Revision
I don’t (avoid conjunctions) think the rules in societies are too strict for young people to follow nowadays. The (delete) young people must comply with specific regulations to maintain the order and etiquette of (in) the community.
Basic rules like not breaking the laws (this is not a rule, perhaps mention specific laws instead) are so fundamental (fundamental to what? be more specific) that every citizen should obey. These (too vague, what are “these”?) are the duty of every adult, preserving our societies well-organized (simplify to “society”). Having existed for centuries, they will continue to be effective because of their necessity (this sentence is again too vague, are you referring to society, rules, or something else?). So following them is easy for every grown-up (adult), including young people.
Another type of rules includes (Other rules include,) lending a helping hand, being diligent (diligence), and respecting others. Though not written in black and white, they are also what young people should follow (young people should follow these rules) (an example of how to avoid passive voice). However, I don’t (avoid conjunctions) think we passively ‘follow’ these rules, but ‘choose’ (remove quotation marks) to behave accordingly after trial and error. Recall (delete) when we were kids, teachers always taught us to share. Although feeling unwilling (reluctant), we still handed over our toy to another kid and received his/her (their) toy. To our surprise, we discovered that his/her (their) toy was new and engaging. By sharing and exchanging, we enjoyed (enjoy) more happiness than mindlessly locking up our possessions, thus understanding that sharing is a good exercise as it generates delight and promotes friendship. So for the rest of our lives, we will continue sharing with others. This whole process illustrates how we follow these rules and actively internalize them in essence. Following rules is chosen by young people with a will, so it’s not too strict for them (rewrite).
In conclusion, obeying social rules is either elementary or (both simple and) pleasant for us, so it’s never so strict (it is never a burden).
July 19, 2021 at 12:42 pmFinal revision.
August 17, 2021 at 2:31 amI do not think the rules in societies are too strict for young people to follow nowadays. Young people must comply with specific regulations to maintain order and etiquette in the community.
Basic rules like no extortion or stealing are compiled in the law so that every citizen should not break. These laws are the duty of every adult, preserving the society. Having existed for centuries, they will continue to be effective because of their necessity. So following them is easy for every adult, including young people.
Other rules include lending a helping hand, diligence, and respecting others. Though not written in black and white, young people should follow these rules. However, I do not think we passively follow these rules but choose to behave accordingly after trial and error. When we were kids, teachers always taught us to share. Although feeling reluctant, we still handed over our toy to another kid and received their toy. To our surprise, we discovered that their toy was new and engaging. By sharing and exchanging, we enjoy more happiness than mindlessly locking up our possessions, thus understanding that sharing is a good exercise as it generates delight and promotes friendship. So for the rest of our lives, we will continue sharing with others. This whole process illustrates how we follow these rules and actively internalize them in essence. Following rules is a decision made voluntarily by young people, so why do we violate their free will and assert they are forced?
In conclusion, obeying social rules is simple and pleasant for us, so it is never a burden.
August 24, 2021 at 9:41 pmInvalid
