The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • icey
    University: Fudan University
    Nationality: China
    April 20, 2021 at 1:31 am

    The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    I don’t think the rules in societies are too strict for young people to follow nowadays. It is necessary that the young obey specific rules to maintain the order and etiquette of the society.

    Basic rules preventing people from breaking the laws are so fundamental that every citizen should never disobey. They’re the duty of every adult which keep our societies well-organized. These rules have been formed for hundreds of years and will continue to be widely accepted for centuries because of their necessity. So they’re never too strict to follow for every grown up, including young people.

    Other rules like lending others helping hands, being diligent or respecting others are not written black and white, but are also rules that young people should follow. However, I wouldn’t consider it as we passively ‘follow’ these rules, but that we are exposed to these virtues and then unconsciously ‘choose’ to behave accordingly. Recall when we were kids in kindergartens, teachers always taught us to share with others. Although being unwilling, we still handed over our toy to another kid and received his/her toy. Surprisingly, we discovered that his/her toy was something new and interesting that we never had. By sharing and exchanging, we enjoyed double happiness. After this experience, we gradually learnt that sharing is a good exercise which can generate delight or even promote friendship. So maybe for the rest of our lives, we will continue sharing with others. This process of internalizing a virtue can be applied to other rules that the society expect us to follow. In this way, following these rules, maybe more appropriate to call them ‘virtues’, are obviously the free will of young people, thus not being strict for them.

    In conclusion, the rules that societies expect the young to obey are either very basic or very pleasant for us, so they’re never too strict to follow.

    April 20, 2021 at 2:27 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 40% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Lengthy paragraphs; restrict each paragraph to 90words. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    icey
    University: Fudan University
    Nationality: China
    April 20, 2021 at 3:12 am

    Revision:

    I don’t think the rules in societies are too strict for young people to follow nowadays. The young must comply with specific regulations to maintain the order and etiquette of the community.

    Basic rules like mustn’t break the laws, are so fundamental that every citizen should obey. They’re the duty of every adult which preserve our societies well-organized. These rules have existed for centuries and will continue to be effective because of their necessity. So following them is easy for every grown-up, including young people.

    Another kind of rules includes lending others helping hands, being diligent, and respecting others. They are not written black and white but are also what young people should follow. However, I don’t think we passively ‘follow’ these rules, but ‘choose’ to behave accordingly after attempts. Recall when we were kids in kindergartens, teachers always taught us to share with others. Although unwilling, we still handed over our toy to another kid and received his/her toy. To our surprise, we discovered that his/her toy was new and engaging. By sharing and exchanging, we enjoyed double happiness. After this experience, we learn that sharing is a good exercise as it generates delight and promotes friendships. So for the rest of our lives, we will continue sharing with others. In this way, following these rules is internalizing them in essence. It’s the free will of young people, thus not being strict for them.

    In conclusion, obeying social rules is either basic or pleasant for us, so it’s never too strict.

    April 20, 2021 at 12:10 pm

    I don’t think the rules in societies are too strict for young people to follow nowadays. The young must comply with specific regulations to maintain the order and etiquette of the community.

    Basic rules like( mustn’t break the laws)[grammatical error   ], [ punctuation error  ]are so fundamental[ repetition/’basic’  ] that every citizen should obey. They[ unclear pronoun  ]’re the duty of every adult which [grammatical error   ]preserve[  grammatical error ] our societies well-organized. These rules have existed for centuries and[ unmatched /have done-will : change sentence structure  ] will continue to be effective because of their necessity. So following them is easy for every grown-up, including young people.

    Another kind[/type   ] of rules includes (lending others helping hands)[wrong phrase   ], being diligent, and respecting others. They are not written black and white but[ unmatched  ] are also what young people should follow. However, I don’t think we passively ‘follow’ these rules, but ‘choose’ to behave accordingly after attempts[ grammatical error  ]. Recall when we were (kids in kindergartens)[repetition   ], teachers always taught us to share with others. Although unwilling[ grammatical error  ], we still handed over our toy to another kid and received his/her toy. To our surprise, we discovered that his/her toy was new and engaging. By sharing and exchanging, we enjoyed (double happiness)[ unclear  ]. (After this experience, we)[ confusing  ] learn[ grammatical error  ] that sharing is a good exercise as it generates delight and promotes friendships[word form error   ]. So for the rest of our lives, we will continue sharing with others. In this way[ wrong transition  ], following these rules is internalizing them in essence. It[unclear pronoun   ]’s the free will of young people, thus not being strict for them.

    In conclusion, obeying social rules is either basic[vague word   ] or pleasant for us, so it’s never too[ incorrect adverb  ] strict.

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