The time that students have access to electronic devices that can be connected to the internet, like computers, phones and ipads, should be limited to one hour or less.
-
May 5, 2021 at 3:01 am
The time that students have access to electronic devices that can be connected to the internet, like computers, phones and ipads, should be limited to one hour or less.
Having a glimpse of current society, people may consent that we live in an age of technology explosion. There are manifold electronic devices in this world. Some assert that time spent on the electronic devices ought to be controlled and I agree with this proposal for its benefits for children’s physical health and academic progress.
Firstly, sitting in front of the electronic products and staring at it for long harm students’ physical health. Students often focus themselves sitting in classes for almost a whole day. If they choose to relax themselves in front of the computers after school, there will be increasing physical risks, including obesity and some spine diseases, which will lay a heavy burden on their future life. And hence, time used on the electronic products ought to be limited.
additionally, some students might be addicted to the virtual world in the computers and delay their study. The purpose of some computer developers lies in financial gains and hence they will provide some tempting games to induce children. Faced with the overwhelming odds, there is no way for children to be fully protected. As a result, they may indulge themselves in the computer games and produce poor academic performance. From this standpoint, it is imperative to set a limitation on the time using electronic devises.
Plausibly, there are merits lying in the usage of electronic devises, but the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. People sharing the same interests are more likely to interact with each other and become intimate friends. However, under most circumstances, youngsters are capable of owning cherished friendship in the real world. Considering the computer’s merits and its bad effects on physical and study, it is wisely to strict time of using them.
To sum up, students are encouraged to take good use of the advanced devises to facilitate our life but it is more than imperative to strict the time to avoid some side effects including physical crisis and delay on study.
May 6, 2021 at 11:37 amScore: ungraded
Issues:
- About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
- About 35% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
May 6, 2021 at 1:07 pmHaving a glimpse of current society, people may reach a consensus of living in an age of technology explosion. There are various electronic devices in this world. Some assert that children should control time of using electronic devices. I agree with this proposal from the standpoint of children’s physical health and academic progress.
First and foremost, sitting in front of electronic products and staring at them for long do harm to students. They often focus themselves sitting in classes for almost a whole day. If they choose to relax themselves in front of the computers after school, there will be increasing physical risks. Such crises including obesity and some spine diseases will lay a heavy burden on their future life. And hence, time used on electronic products ought to be limited.
Additionally, some students might be addicted to the virtual world in the computers and delay their study. The purpose of some computer developers lies in financial gains, and therefore they will provide some tempting games to induce children. Faced with the overwhelming odds, there is no way for children to be fully protected. As a result, they may indulge themselves in computer games and produce poor academic performance. From this standpoint, it is imperative to set a limitation to decrease equipment usage time.
Plausibly, there are merits of usage of electronic devices, but the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. People sharing the same interests are more likely to interact with each other and become intimate friends. However, under most circumstances, youngsters are capable of owning cherished friends in the real world. Considering the computer’s merits and bad effects, it is wisely to strict time of using them.
To sum up, students are encouraged to make good use of the advanced devices to facilitate our life, but it is more than imperative to strict the time to avoid some side effects including physical crisis and delay on academic progress.
May 9, 2021 at 2:27 amHaving a glimpse of [article error ]current society, people may reach a consensus (of living in an age of technology explosion)[ unclear ]. There are various electronic devices in this world.[logical disconnection ] Some [unclear pronoun ]assert that children should control [ article error ]time of using electronic devices. I agree with this proposal
from the standpoint[ in light ]of children’s physical health and [their ]academic progress.First and foremost, sitting in front of electronic products and staring at them for( long )[ incomplete ]do harm to students. They often (focus themselves sitting in classes )[grammatical eoor ]for almost a whole day. If they choose[grammatical error ] to relax t
hemselvesin front of the [article error ]computers after school, there will[ grammatical error ] be increasing physical risks[ unclear ]. Such crises including obesity andsomespine diseases will lay a heavy burden on their future life.And hence[ Hence ], time used on electronic products ought to be limited.Additionally, some students might be[ replace BE with a concrete verb ] addicted to the virtual world in the computers and delay their
study[studies ]. The purpose of some computer developerslies in[relates to ] financial gains, and therefore they will [use conditional writing instead zero-conditional ]provide some tempting games to induce children. Faced withthe[ these ]overwhelming odds, there is no way for children to be fully protected. As a result, they may indulge themselves in computer gamesand produce[ , which could lead to ] poor academic performance. From this standpoint, it is imperative to set a limitationto decrease[ on] equipment usage time.Plausibly, there are merits of [ article error ]usage of electronic devices, but the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. People sharing the same interests are more likely to interact with each other and become intimate friends. However, under most circumstances, youngsters are capable of owning cherished friends in the real world. Considering the[article error ] computer’s merits and bad effects, it is wisely [ word form error ]to strict [ article error ]time of using them.
To sum up, students are encouraged to make good use of the[article error ] advanced devices to facilitate[wrong word ] our life, but it is more than imperative to strict the time to avoid some side effects including physical crisis and delay[ /hyndrance ] on academic progress.
