Some people claim that many things that children are taught at school are a waste of time. Other people argue that everything study at school are useful at some time. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Score: 65.7

Suggestions for Improvement

• Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
• Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

Problems Highlight

When it comes to school education, people hold divergent views. Some individuals maintain that the knowledge studied in school is valuable while others don’t think so. Both ideas will be discussed [passive][punctuation error]and I will give my own stand on this argument.

Some people are strong advocates that a great deal of knowledge studied in school cannot exert beneficial influence on their development. [wordy]And [coordinating word error  ]it is desperately time-consuming. Initially, it is uneasy for children to apply some knowledge to their future work and life. For instance, the [article error]philosophical knowledge is so theorical [spelling error ]that we cannot utilize that no matter in future work or study. Additionally, some specific points can easily be forgotten. [passive]Meanwhile, the young are able to surf the internet to look for the information regardless of time and place. Consequently, there is no use to learn and remember those knowledge points.

Opponents, however, hold the view that all the school curriculums are of good use for children. Firstly, those seeming to be unnecessary, in fact, facilitate their healthy growth. To illustrate, music lessons develop their interests in arts which teach them the way to relieve their stress. Secondly, this also imparts the principles of life to children. For example, philosophy attach [ grammatical error ]great importance to the [ article error]moderation. By that way[punctuation error ] I mean, children are supposed [passive]to learn from this principle and stick to not be over the degree.

In conclusion, though some knowledge is hard to be applied [passive]to our future life, I still reckon that every lesson offered in the school has its unique significance. [wordy]

Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

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Writing Tips

1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.