TPO 40 Q1
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November 22, 2019 at 4:46 pm
TPO 40 Q1
Maintaining a permanent human presence on Venus is difficult but possible. A station flaoting 50 kilometers up in atmosphere can be built to sovle the problems mentioned in the reading passage.
First, in higher places, the atmospheric pressure is lower. If a station is established floating 50 kilometers above the ground, the atmospheric pressure there is almost the same as that of Earth, possible for human beings to survive. Therefore, the first problem on difficulty of bearing the pressure is solved .Second, though there is no water or oxygen on Venus, the planet’s atmosphere contains other chemicals, like carbon dioxide and nitrogen. These chemical materials can be used to make water and oxygen needed in stations. There is no need to transport water and oxygen from Earth.
Third, there is very little sunlight reaching the planet’s surface mainly because of the reflection of thick clouds and a dense layer of carbon dioxide. However, at 50 kilometers above the ground, the clouds are not very thick and reflect less sunlight. Besides, sunlight reflected by clouds below the station can be used.In summary, by building a floating station, all doubts can be casted and human beings can live on Venus.
November 22, 2019 at 5:09 pmScore: 61.7
Issues:
- More than 50% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
November 23, 2019 at 7:00 amMaintaining a permanent human presence on Venus is difficult but possible. A station floating 50 kilometers up in the atmosphere can be built to solve the problems mentioned in the reading passage.
First, in higher places, the atmospheric pressure is lower. At 50 kilometers above the ground, the atmospheric pressure is almost the same as that of Earth. If we establish a floating station there, human beings can survive. Thus, there is no need to worry about the difficulty of bearing the pressure.
Second, though there is no water or oxygen on Venus, the planet’s atmosphere contains other chemicals, like carbon dioxide and nitrogen. We can use these chemical materials to make water and oxygen needed in stations. It is not necessary to transport water and oxygen from Earth.
Third, there is very little sunlight reaching the planet’s surface, mainly because of the reflection of thick clouds and a dense layer of carbon dioxide. But at 50 kilometers above the ground, the clouds are not very thick reflecting less sunlight. Besides, sunlight reflected by clouds below the station can be used.
In summary, by building a floating station, it is possible to cast all doubts. Human beings can live on Venus.
Two additional questions:
In this kind of scientific passages:
- Is it possible to use more passive voice?
- Is it possible to use longer sentences to clarify a point?
December 4, 2019 at 9:14 pmScore: 64.5
I will get back to you shortly. To answer your questions:
- Is it possible to use more passive voice? — No, the percentage of passive sentences of your essay is about 15%, which is just fine.
- Is it possible to use longer sentences to clarify a point? —Yes, but keep sentences exceeding 20 words under 20%.
December 6, 2019 at 2:07 amMaintaining a permanent human presence on Venus is difficult but possible. A station floating 50 kilometers up in the atmosphere can be built to solve the problems [specify which problems] mentioned in the reading passage.
First[rephrase (ex: The first problem is that)], in higher places [space], the atmospheric pressure is lower. At 50 kilometers above the ground, the atmospheric pressure is almost the same as that of Earth. If we establish a floating station there, human beings can survive. Thus, there is no need to worry about the difficulty of bearing the pressure [reword].
Second, though there is no water or oxygen on Venus, the planet’s atmosphere contains other chemicals, like carbon dioxide and nitrogen. We can use these chemical materials to make water and oxygen [which is] needed in stations. [Add transition phrase] It is not necessary to transport water and oxygen from Earth.
Third, there is very little sunlight reaching the planet’s surface, [ remove comma] mainly because of [remove] the reflection of thick clouds and a dense layer of carbon dioxide [rephrase]. But at 50 kilometers above the ground, the [remove] clouds are not very thick [add new clause] reflecting less sunlight. Besides [choose different transitional phrase], sunlight reflected by clouds below the station can be used.
In summary, by building a floating station, it is possible to cast all doubts [unclear]. Human beings can live on Venus. [combine last two sentences]
December 12, 2019 at 7:18 amMaintaining a permanent human presence on Venus is difficult but possible. A station floating 50 kilometers up in the atmosphere can be built to solve the problem of atmospheric pressure and lack of water, oxygen and sunlight.
The first reason is that in higher space, the atmospheric pressure is lower. At 50 kilometers above the ground, the atmospheric pressure is almost the same as that of Earth. If we establish a floating station there, human beings can survive. Thus, we can solve the problem of bearing great pressure.
Second, though there is no water or oxygen on Venus, the planet’s atmosphere contains other chemicals, like carbon dioxide and nitrogen. We can use these chemical materials to make water and oxygen which are needed in stations. Therefore, it is not necessary to transport water and oxygen from Earth.
Third, there is very little sunlight reaching the planet’s surface mainly because of the reflection of thick clouds and the obstruction of a dense layer of carbon dioxide. But at 50 kilometers above the ground, clouds are not very thick which reflect less sunlight. Also, sunlight reflected by clouds below the station can be used.
In summary, by building a floating station, it is possible for human beings to solve the problems mentioned and live on Venus.
December 12, 2019 at 10:42 pmScore: 62.8
Maintaining a [ article error ] permanent human presence on Venus is difficult but possible. A station floating 50 kilometers up in the atmosphere can be built to solve the problem of atmospheric pressure and lack of water, oxygen and sunlight.
The first reason is that in higher space, the atmospheric pressure is lower.[lack transitory word] At 50 kilometers above the ground, the atmospheric pressure is almost the same as that of Earth. If we establish a floating station there, human beings can survive. Thus, we can solve the problem of bearing great pressure.
Second, though there is no water or oxygen on Venus, the planet’s atmosphere contains other chemicals, like[ such as] carbon dioxide and nitrogen. We can use these chemical materials to make water and oxygen which are needed in stations. Therefore, it is not necessary[unnecessary ] to transport water and oxygen from Earth.
Third, there is very little sunlight reaching the planet’s surface mainly because of the reflection of thick clouds and the obstruction of a dense layer of carbon dioxide. But at 50 kilometers above the ground, clouds are not very thick which [that ]reflect [ grammatical error]less sunlight. Also, sunlight reflected by clouds below the station can be used.
In summary, by building a floating station, it is possible for human beings to solve the problems mentioned and live on Venus.
Good job!
December 19, 2019 at 5:05 pmThis essay is completed:)
December 24, 2019 at 5:28 pmThanksss! 😉
