TPO 45 Task 1 integrated writing

  • Willish
    University: National Chiao Tung University
    Nationality: Taiwan, China
    July 16, 2020 at 2:53 pm

    Whether bees exist on Earth as early as 200 million years ago is the focus of both the writer and the professor. In the reading, three arguments, including no fossils of actual bees, absence of flowering plants and structures lack some details, have been elaborated. The professor, however, claims that these arguments are not solid enough to support the conclusion that bees did not exist 200 million years ago.

    As opposed to the writer’s argument that no fossils of actual bees were found until 100 million years ago, the professor states that the fossils of the bees can only be preserved in tree resin, which is possibly not existing in 200 million years ago. She advances the story by saying that perhaps the tree resin first appeared in 100 million years ago, and thus it was the time the first bee fossil was found.

    The professor continues to discredit the writer’s second assertion that bee did not exist in that period since there is no proof flowering plants also existed in 200 million years ago and flowering plants and bees have a mutually dependent biological relationship, by providing other possible plants that bees might rely on. To be more specific, the professor mentioned other plants such as ferns and pine trees as examples that bee might count on 200 million years ago.

    It is the professor’s third perspective that one crucial feature of a nest chambers made by modern bees was discovered on the fossilized structures found in Arizona. In details, a water-proof chemical substance that only can be produced by bees was discovered on the fossils. This contradicts the writer’s assumption that the fossilized structures were made by other insects.

    An apparent divide exists between the writer and the professor on the possibilities of the existence of bees in 200 millions years ago.

    July 22, 2020 at 10:29 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 80% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 55% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    August 3, 2020 at 9:08 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 80% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 55% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.