Tpo54
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March 31, 2021 at 2:38 pm
In modern society, finance of governments is supervised by people. Controversy arises whenever people are paying more attention to arts or athletics. Some point that government should spend more money on arts instead of sports, but I reject.
Firstly, both arts and sports are essential foundation of us to become a healthy person. Arts, on the one hand, cultivate our capacity of sentiment without which we cannot find the beauty of the world. On the other hand, sports provide an opportunity with us to have more energy to learn the world. There are many talent artists dead at a early age and many strong farmer lived in ignorance. Therefore, only when we focus both on mentality and physics, can we enjoy our life.
Secondly, a society, like human, should have a comprehensive development both in psychology and physics. I do believe that a society permeated into an atmosphere that people like both arts and sports will be a friendly environment to live, because people who interest arts are more enthusiastic and optimistic and people who like exercise are healthier. To some extent, arts will let a society have richer cultural atmosphere and sports make a society loose the pressure of diseases.
What’s more, a country will be powerful and prosperous due to balancing the arts and athletics. Needless to say, if a country has it’s own famous artists and unique arts and comes to the top in the Olympic Games, it will get huge benefits from them. For example, the proud of culture will form, which lets people become more patriotic and the status in the world will rise. Thus, sports are as important as arts for a country.
In conclusion, whether a person, a society or a country, all need to balance arts and sports and improve them. No matter which one is ignored by us, it is a serious mistake in the way of development.
April 2, 2021 at 3:42 amScore: ungraded
Issues:
- Lots of grammatical errors.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
April 3, 2021 at 2:29 amIn modern society, people oversee the government finances. Controversy arises with more attention being put to arts or athletics. Some point that government should spend more money on arts instead of sports, but I reject.
Firstly, both arts and sports essential foundations to us to become mental and physic healthy people. Arts, on the one hand, cultivate our capacity of sentiment and enlighten the world of mind. On the other hand, sports provide an opportunity for us to have robust bodies to enjoy the world. Sports education must be complementary to that of arts. Therefore, only when we focus both on mentality and physics, can we enjoy our life.
Secondly, a society, like us, should have a comprehensive development both in psychology and physics. I do believe that a society immersed into an atmosphere that people are cultivated both arts and sports will be a friendly environment to live, because people who are educated arts are more enthusiastic and optimistic and people who receive education of sports are healthier. To some extent, arts will bring a society diverse culture atmosphere and sports make a society loose the pressure of diseases.
What’s more, a country will be powerful and prosperous due to balancing the arts and athletics. Needless to say, if a country has it’s own famous artists and unique works of art and comes to the top in the Olympic Games, the nation will get huge benefits from the investment in arts and sports. For example, the proud of culture will form, which lets people become more patriotic and the position in the world will rise. Thus, sports are as vital as arts for a country.
In conclusion, whether an individual, a society or a country, all need to balance arts and sports and improve them. No matter which one is ignored by us, it is a serious mistake in the way of development.
April 3, 2021 at 2:32 amScore: ungraded
Issues:
- About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
- Most sentences are unclear.
April 3, 2021 at 2:33 amPartial Revision [most sentences are problematic.]
In modern society, people [ /citizens can ] oversee the[article error ] government finances.[ missing a transition word here ] Controversy arises with more attention being put to arts or athletics[ unclear ]. Some point[ out ] that government should spend more money on arts instead of sports, but I reject[ incomplete sentence ].
April 3, 2021 at 3:16 amIn modern society, citizens can oversee government finances. Then, controversy arises whenever governments are choosing to invest more money on arts or sports. Some point out that government should spend more money on arts instead of athletics, but I disagree with that.
April 4, 2021 at 2:02 amThe three sentences are inorganically linked, which means that they lack logical connections. You need to create a preparation that could logically flow to your thesis. I.E.,
Art helps to foster our sense of aesthetics; for this reason, the government’s spending on artistic activities seems to be justifiable. Since art serves only a tiny portion of the population in most societies, I believe state funding on sports, instead of arts, could benefit more people, particularly as this pandemic lingers.
April 4, 2021 at 3:14 amThank you, I understand. But if I agree with this opinion, can I use this opening paragraph? I mean if I use this paragraph, can I use <i>arts cultivate aesthetics</i> as a sub point in body paragraph?
April 7, 2021 at 3:10 amTry to use your own words. That will help your English writing even more.
