Universities should accept equal numbers of female and male students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Universities should accept equal numbers of female and male students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • XWW
    University: 墨尔本大学(University of Melbourne)
    Nationality: China
    April 17, 2020 at 10:11 pm

    Universities should accept equal numbers of female and male students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    The female right is a hot topic that has been discussed worldwide. It took enormous efforts and a long time for women to fight for their access to education. However, I do not agree with the statement that every subject in universities needs to contain the females the same number as many as males.

    The qualification set by colleges to accept students should be based on their grades, personalities and etc, instead of gender. Forcing universities to control the enrolment of students’ genders may result that some curriculums could not operate owing to different numbers of females and males. Besides, it is students’ freedom to major in subjects and courses they are interested in, schools are not able to intervene with it.

    In addition, it is likely that several subjects are not popular equally among men and women temporarily. It is common sense that boys and girls tend to be interested in separated kinds of things. For example, at a young age, girls usually played with dolls while boys loved outdoor games including football and tennis. When it comes to studying, it is common that more women major in arts, cosmetics, and literature comparing to men. On the contrary, male students tend to choose physics, engineering, and computer science. Hence, the difference between males and females results in uneven number of students in every subject.

    On the other hand, some measurements of gender issue allowing more women to enter universities for further study is beneficial to society. Because more people have the chance to receive tertiary education, which is able to increase the number of talents that would contribute to the development of the country. Moreover,  a successful woman could motivate many girls to follow her path, to learn advanced knowledge and create better lives in the future.

    To summaries, governments and universities ought to establish policies to provide more women access to further education rather than impose restrictions on the amount of female and male students who should be equal. It is very important to allow more people to receive knowledge.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 22, 2020 at 12:58 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    XWW
    University: 墨尔本大学(University of Melbourne)
    Nationality: China
    April 22, 2020 at 11:32 am

    Female right causes worldwide discussion currently. It took enormous time and effort for women to fight for an equal right to receive further education as men. However, I disagree with the statement that every subject in college should have an identical number of males and females.

    The qualifications of admission that set by universities should not correlate with demographic features such as gender and race.  It is not fair to accept students in order to balance gender division. Besides, students need to choose their enrolled subjects. Forcing universities to implement this measure may result in privacy violence and students’ objection.

    Uneven numbers of female and male students are also because of the difference between men and women. It is common that some subjects are more attractive to girls while others not. For example, more females tend to major in arts, literature and marketing. On the contrary, men are generally more interested in cosmonautics and physics. Therefore, some subjects are not likely to have girls that are equivalent to boys.

    On the other hand, allowing more females to have the opportunities to go to colleges is beneficial as this may lead to an increasing amount of talents that devote themselves to society and country. Hence, providing more women the chance to receive tertiary education is more effective than imposing restrictions on the diversity of gender.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 22, 2020 at 2:26 pm

    Score: 55.6

    Final Revision

    Female right causes worldwide discussion currently [ redundant ]. It took[ tense error ] enormous time and effort[ word form error ] for women to fight for an equal right (to receive further education as men)[ wordy ]. However, I disagree with the statement that every subject in college should have an identical number of males and females[logical confusion  ].

    First, I am of the opinion that the qualifications[ wrong word ] of admission that set by[grammatical error/wordy  ] universities should not correlate with demographic features such as gender and race. As such,  it is not fair[ wordy ] to accept students in order to balance gender division. Since Besides, students need to choosing an academic subject is the student’s right, their enrolled subjects.[ choppy sentences ] forcing universities to implement this measure [ unclear ]may result in privacy violence and/or students’ objection.

    [ transition needed ]Uneven numbers of female and male students (are also because of ) [ strange writing/relate to ]the differences between men and women. It is common that[wordy  ] some subjects are more attractive to girls while others are not. For example, more females tend to major in such disciplines as in arts, literature and marketing. On the contrary, men are generally more interested in the fields of cosmonautics and physics. Therefore, some subjects are not likely to have girls that are equivalent to boys. [ unclear/bad writing ]

    On the other hand, allowing [wrong word  ] more females (to have the opportunities to go to) [ redundant ] colleges (is beneficial) [ineffective writing  ] as/since this [unclear pronoun  ] may lead to an increasing amount of talents that devote themselves to society and country [very wordy  ].

    Hence, providing more women [ missing a preposition ]the chance to receive tertiary education is more effective than imposing [missing a critical word here  ] restrictions (on the diversity of ) [  unclear/redundant]gender.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 22, 2020 at 3:14 pm