Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs(for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs(for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • skye
    University: JNU
    Nationality: China
    February 29, 2020 at 1:12 pm

    Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs(for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    Voluntary work has gained much attention from the public so far. The necessity of making voluntary work a inseparable part of high school classes has been advocated by some people. From my perspective, the advantages outweight its disadvantages.

    There are three main benefits of combining voluntary work with high school life. This programme can enrich the anxious and dull school life. For most high school students, they are fully occupied by their heavy homework without any relaxing but meaningful activities. Voluntary work could fill the blank. Those experiences could prevent them from being isolated from their neighbourhood as well.  Students have to learn about the community beforing devising a plan to improve it and to work with team members for collective  ideas. Consequently, not only they have a better knowledge of their community, but they could make more friends. Other activities concerning helping the elder or disabled nearby probably arouse students’ sense of responsibilty. They witness the suffering or inconvenience in the surroundings and know the efforts needed to achieve a better world. To fulfill the target, they may be convinced that they are not study for a higher grade but for a more pleasant society.

    The programmes, however, are faced with some challenges in design and implementation. The programmes are supposed to be both valuble and attractive to students. Achieving both aspects may be a headache for many schools. Students usually take part in voluntary work in class. Security issue would be the top of list of concern.

    In spite of the difficulties, the combinition of volutary work and high school life is of educational significance. Becasue education is devised not only to teach students more knowledge but to educate them to be better man.

     

    March 4, 2020 at 3:46 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. One paragraph is too long. Restrict each paragraph within 85 words.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    skye
    University: JNU
    Nationality: China
    March 4, 2020 at 7:06 am

    Voluntary work has gained much attention from the public so far. The necessity of combing voluntary work with high school classes is advocated by some people. From my perspective, the advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

    There are three main benefits of combining voluntary work with high school life. Firstly, the program can enrich the anxious and dull school life. Most high school students are occupied with heavy homework and barely have time for activities other than study. Voluntary work also works as a teacher. Students enhance their ability of cooperation, communication and organization through voluntary experience. Because voluntary work usually calls for joint effort to help people in need and to collect and exchange messages. More importantly, a course of researches show that practice makes perfect especially in learning something new. Handling problems with knowledge from classes, students would have a better command of them and be passionate about study.

    The programs, however, are faced with some challenges in design and implementation. The programs are supposed to be both valuable and attractive for students. Otherwise, students may be reluctant to join in. Achieving both aspects may be a headache for many schools. Besides, students usually take part in voluntary activities in class. Hundreds of students set out together for outdoor activities. Therefore, concern for security would be on the top of list.

    In conclusion, voluntary work helps students to equip themselves with comprehensive abilities. The challenges in design and implementation are the obstacle we have to conquer together.

    March 4, 2020 at 4:57 pm

    Score: 55

    Issues:

    1. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    skye
    University: JNU
    Nationality: China
    March 5, 2020 at 6:14 am

    Voluntary work has gained much attention from the public so far. The necessity of combing voluntary work with high school classes is advocated by some people. From my perspective, the advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

    There are three main benefits of combining voluntary work with high school life. First of all, the program can enrich the anxious and dull school life. Most high school students are occupied with heavy homework. And they usually could not spare some time for activities other than study. Voluntary work also works as a teacher. Students enhance their abilities of cooperation, communication and organization through voluntary experience. Because voluntary work usually calls for a joint effort to help people in need. Students collect and exchange messages through communication. More importantly, researches have shown that practice makes perfect. Voluntary work provides students with the chance to utilize their knowledge. Students could have a better command of their knowledge and have more passion in their study.

    However, the programs face some challenges in design and implementation. The programs are supposed to be both valuable and attractive for students. Otherwise, students may be reluctant to join in. Achieving both aspects may be a headache for many schools. Besides, students usually take part in voluntary activities in class. Hundreds of students set out together for outdoor activities. Thus, the concern for security would be on the top of the list.

    In conclusion, voluntary work helps students to equip themselves with comprehensive abilities. We could work together to remove the obstacles.

    March 10, 2020 at 2:05 am

    Score: 58.9

    Voluntary work has gained much attention from the public so far. [lack connection with the prior sentence because you used passive sentence  ]The necessity of combing voluntary work with high school classes is advocated by [passive  ]some people. From my perspective, the advantages outweigh its[unclear pronoun  ] disadvantages[ unclear sentence ].

    There are three main benefits of combining voluntary work with high school life. First of all, the program [ unclear ]can enrich the anxious and dull school life. Most high school students are occupied with heavy homework.[ punctuation error with coordinating word ] And they usually could not spare some time for[ wrong preposition ] activities other than study.

    Voluntary work also works as a teacher. Students enhance their abilities of cooperation, communication and organization through voluntary experience. Because voluntary work usually calls for a joint effort to help people in need[grammatical error  ]. Students collect and exchange messages through communication. More importantly, researches[word form/this word in general is used in singular form  ] has shown that practice makes perfect. Voluntary work provides students with the chance to utilize their knowledge. [  choppy sentence]Students could have a better command of their knowledge and have more passion in[ wrong preposition ] their study.

    However, the programs[ unclear ] face some challenges in design and implementation. The programs are supposed to be both valuable and attractive for students. Otherwise, students may be reluctant to join in. Achieving both aspects/objectives may be a headache for many schools. Besides, students usually take part in voluntary activities in class. [ choppy sentence ]Hundreds of students set out together for outdoor activities. Thus, the concern for security would be on the top of the list.

    In conclusion, voluntary work helps students to equip themselves with comprehensive abilities. We could work together to remove the obstacles.

    Summary: lots of choppy sentences. 

    skye
    University: JNU
    Nationality: China
    March 11, 2020 at 10:02 am

    Voluntary work has gained much attention from the public so far for its benefits in various aspect. Therefore, increasingly more people advocate that the combination of voluntary work and high school curriculums. Form my perspective, I totally agree with the suggestion because it has more benefits than potential challenges.

    There are three main benefits of combining voluntary work with high school life. First of all, the combination can enrich students’ anxious and dull school life. In this way can students spare some time to take part in social activities to make themselves mentally and physicall healthier.

    Students enhance their abilities of cooperation, communication and organization through voluntary work in which society plays the roles of teachers. Because voluntary work calls for joint efforts to help someone in need and students collect and exchange messages through communication. More importantly, Voluntary work provides a platform for students to utilize what they learn in school such as a foreign language. With the practice, they could have a better command of their knowledge and have more passion for their study.

    However, the suggestion faces some challenges in design and implementation. The programs are supposed to be both valuable and attractive for students. Otherwise, students may be reluctant to join. Achieving both objectives may be a headache for many schools. Besides, the concern for security is on the top of the list. Students may unexpectedly get hurt by some traffic accidents if they play a role in directing traffic during the rush hour.

    In conclusion, voluntary work helps students to equip themselves with comprehensive abilities. As for obstacles, we could work together to remove them.

    March 13, 2020 at 2:59 am

    Score: 57.8

    Issues:

    1. More than 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    skye
    University: JNU
    Nationality: China
    March 13, 2020 at 8:47 am

    Now, increasingly more people suggest to make non-commercial services a mandatory program. Personally, I agree with the suggestion.

    I can’t deny that the program faces some challenges in design and implementation. The program should be both meaningful and attractive for students. So, they may be willing to participate. Achieving both objectives could be a headache for schools. And the security issue of the program is on the top of the list. For example, students may assist in directing traffic. If a car skids around them, they may get injured.

    However, the benefits outweigh the challenges. First of all, the program can enrich students’ school life. Most students’ high school life is full of study. If non-commercial services become a subject, students could participate more in social activities such as helping neighbors to find lost dogs. Students may make more friends as well. Meanwhile, social activities provide students with practical experience. For example, as a volunteer, students could practice their spoken English when communicating with foreigners. What’s more, students may develop more comprehensive abilities such as cooperation and organization. Because some non-commercial services require students to work in group. And a well-organized group will help achieve better results.

    In conclusion, non-commercial service should be mandatary in high school. Because our objective of education is to equip students with multiple skills rather than to make a machine for study. As for challenges, we could work together to handle them.

    March 16, 2020 at 2:08 am

    Score: 57.8

    Final revision

    Now, increasingly more [redundant  ] people suggest to make non-commercial services a mandatory program [ unclear/lack introduction ] . Personally, I agree with the suggestion.

    I can’t deny that the program faces some challenges in design and implementation. The program should be both meaningful and attractive for students. [  choppy sentence] So, they may be willing to participate. Achieving both objectives could be a headache for schools. [ punctuation error with coordinating word ] And the security issue of the program is on the top of the list. For example, students may assist in directing traffic. [ choppy sentence ] If a car skids around them, they may get injured.

    However, the benefits [ unclear/specify ] outweigh the challenges. First of all, the program can enrich students’ school life. Most students’ high school life is full of study [ rephrase ] . If non-commercial services become [grammatical error with subjunctive voice  ] a subject, students could [grammatical error with subjunctive voice  ] participate [preposition error  ] more in social activities such as helping neighbors to find lost dogs. Students may make more friends as well.

    Meanwhile, social activities provide students with practical experience. For example, as a volunteer, students could practice their spoken English when communicating with foreigners [ discriminative word ] . What’s more, students may develop more comprehensive abilities such as cooperation and organization. [ choppy/grammatical error ] Because some non-commercial services require students to work in [ article error ] group. [ punctuation error with coordinating word ] And a well-organized group will help achieve better results.

    In conclusion, non-commercial service should be mandatary in high school. [ choppy/grammatical error ] Because our objective of education is to equip students with multiple skills rather than to make a machine for study. As for challenges, we could work together to handle them.