Which one of the following values is the most important to share with a young child(5-10 years old)? Being helpful; Being honest; Being well organized.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Which one of the following values is the most important to share with a young child(5-10 years old)? Being helpful; Being honest; Being well organized.

  • dycc
    University: Xidian university
    Nationality: China
    May 4, 2019 at 4:24 am

    Being honest, being helpful and being organized can turn a kid into a happy child.

    TOPIC: Which one of the following values is the most important to share with a young child(5-10 years old)?

    1. Being helpful;
    2. Being honest;
    3. Being well organized

    Nowadays in such a competitive society, parents all spare no efforts to give their children the best education, even if they are just 5 to 10 years old. To help children to be more competent, helping them to be helpful and well-organized seems to benefit children for successful careers. However, in my opinion, honesty is the most important value for parents to share with children, since being honest is a fundamental virtue and principle both for individual and society.

    Once parent find out their children lying to avoid punishment or get benefit, they should stop their children and teach them a lesson seriously, or it may lead to serious problem. My uncle rarely corrected my cousin’s mistake of dishonesty in my cousin’s childhood, and since then, my cousin has formed a bad habit of telling lies whenever he gets into trouble. Therefore, it is really difficult to get rid of such bad habit of dishonesty if one is not reminded in his childhood.

    What’s more, being honest can help children to be more reliable in the future. In modern society, cooperation serves as a new and efficient trend between companies or nations. Compared with capability and skills, honest people are much more popular, since they will never do harm to others for their own benefit. For example, a leader will probably choose a team member who can always be true to everyone instead of those who seem outstanding but lack of honesty.

    What is realistic is that children that are helpful and well organized may win more compliments, however, to help the children in a long run for their future, honesty should always be put in the first place in the education, because the virtue of honesty will form children’s personality as early as in childhood and will benefit them throughout lifetime.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 7, 2019 at 2:29 am

    Score: 54.4

    Suggestions for Improvement

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    Rewrite and resubmit your essay.

    Errors Highlight

    Nowadays in such a competitive society, parents all spare no efforts to give their children the best education, even if they are just [Problematic/unnecessary Adverb]5 to 10 years old. To help children to be more competent, helping them to be helpful and well-organized seems to benefit children for successful careers. However, in my opinion, honesty is the most important value for parents to share with children, [Punctuation Error]since being honest is a fundamental virtue and principle both for individual and society.

    Once parent find [Grammatical Error]out their children lying to avoid punishment or get benefit[Article Error], they should stop their children and teach them a lesson seriously[Problematic/unnecessary Adverb], or it may lead to serious[Article Error] problem. My uncle rarely corrected my cousin’s mistake of dishonesty in my cousin’s childhood, and since then, my cousin has formed a bad habit of telling lies whenever he gets into trouble. Therefore, it is really [Problematic/unnecessary Adverb]difficult to get rid of such bad habit of dishonesty if one is not reminded [Passive Voice]in his childhood.

    What’s more, being honest can help children to be more reliable in the future. In modern society, cooperation serves as a new and efficient trend between companies or nations. Compared with capability and skills, honest people are much more popular, since they will never do harm to (Verbose) others for their own (Verbose) benefit. For example, a leader will probably choose a team member who can always be true to everyone instead of those who seem outstanding but lack of honesty.

    What is realistic is that children that are helpful and well organized may win more compliments, however, to help the children in a long run for their future, honesty should always be put [Active Voice]in the first place in the education, because the virtue of honesty will form children’s personality as early as in childhood and will benefit them throughout lifetime. (Hard-to-read sentence)