Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.


TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Samples (Band 9) Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.


  • Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    March 16, 2019 at 10:12 pm

    An old man is kissing his wife; they have become dependent on each other.

    IELTS Writing Sample: Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.


    In this globalised world we all now find ourselves living in, success in life is such an elusive factor that we all seek to acquire. Whether our triumphs result better from the influences of other people, rather than through our own personal achievements, has become a debatable topic. My belief is that being too reliant on others can hold back individual progress.

    In the first place, being your own person can help release your full potential. For instance, being a creative individual will often get you noticed by your employer rather than joining the crowd. Take my friend Jane, for example. Using her initiative at work, as well as offering solutions to problems, has led to several promotions. As a result, she has job satisfaction, and enjoys a clear sense of achievement.

    On the other hand, many people advocate that we can learn much more by enjoying the comfort of learning from others. Learning teamwork is an important quality for those in the modern-day workplace. As an illustration, the sharing of ideas can often lead to better decisions. After all, the quality of our decisions in life, as well as work, can often make the difference between success and failure.

    However, it does not mean we should underestimate the importance of individual character building. Undoubtedly, personal achievements and accomplishments are widely regarded as the keys to true happiness. Furthermore, each of us is a unique individual, with a duty to fulfill our distinctive potential. Hiding behind the comfort of the collective group would clearly limit our chances of personal achievement.

    In the final analysis, although there are clear merits in belonging to a collective group, I have a strong belief in individual achievement. Thereby, personal experience leads me to conclude that taking risks with personal decision-MAKING (the web does not show up this word!!) has many more advantages than simply taking the easy option of joining the crowd. Clearly, the majority of people choose not to be different, and enjoy the comfort of being like others. With respect, I disagree.

    superdanny
    University: Central China Normal University
    Nationality: China
    March 27, 2019 at 11:54 am

    Hey Linqiu, thanks for your post.

    I notice that you used a wide range of words, and the whole article is very well written. However, I don’t think you are aligning with the topic.

    Obviously, this is an agree&disagree question, and I guess this involves more of a judgment about the statement rather than give personal opinions.

    By contrast, you are talking about your own beliefs throughout the whole composition. As ‘Task Response’ is also a significant index in IELTS score, perhaps this article is not a good sample?

    Avatar
    Anonymous
    April 1, 2019 at 12:24 pm

    Some people think that people will rely on each other more closely in modern society.

    With the development of technology,global connection become much stronger than ever before.People have abilities to interact easily and they can not live alone without others. For example, people will share the infrastructure, such as hospital and school, with others.Meanwhile the daily necessary things like food will also be supplied through the markets.

    Another benefit of this is that people can achieve difficult works by coorperating.A team in company always has different roles.Someone is good at communicating, some does well in operating and the leader control the whole task. That makes team work more efficiently.

    By contrast, relying heavily on others may pose a threat on society safety. Criminals can use the connection to make illegal profit which lead resentment. So people are supposed to take the responsibility of recognition. Individual abilities are still necessary nowadays.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 1, 2019 at 10:12 pm

    Hi,

    You have submitted your essay to the wrong place. Please resubmit it to

    https://writersforme.com/forums/forum/ielts-essay-topics/

    Thanks!

    Lin Qiu