Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork.

  • Eternal
    University: Beijing Forestry University
    Nationality: Chinese
    December 11, 2020 at 1:46 am

    Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork. Which of the two approaches do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    There are lots of parents spending most of their time working instead of accompanying their children especially in today’s modern society. And people may wonder how do their children spend their time when their parents are working out. Some people believe that children should take good use of this period of time to finish their schoolwork together with their classmates. However, in my point of view, children should engage themselves into playing games or sports.

    First and foremost, playing games and sports are good for children’s health. They can leave their heavy stress behind and relax themselves, which is beneficial to both their physical and mental health. Immersing in the ocean of games and sports they will definitely have a good mood and they can sharpen their mind and strengthen their body through games and sports. Meanwhile, with the healthy body and sharp mind they can definitely do well in their schoolwork when they engage themselves into it.

    Moreover, let children play games and sports can give them chance to be exposed to a competitive environment. In this kind of environment they will learn something that cannot be found in the schoolwork, such as how to arrange the resource in their hands to beat the enemy in the game and how to improve their skill of transfer the basketball to the teammates so the other team cannot win the game. In this way, they will also learn how to cope with some challenges that they will not meet in doing their schoolwork.

    Undeniably, use this time to do their schoolwork can not only stabilize the friendship with their classmates and it is a good chance to review what they have learned in class. But as the saying goes, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” One cannot be tracked in the schoolwork all the time and do not think about any other things at all, which will also make our mind stay still and that will not give us any benefits.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 12, 2020 at 5:07 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.