Which is the best way to improve the quality of dormitory life?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Which is the best way to improve the quality of dormitory life?

  • JoyWang
    University: Beijing information and technology University
    Nationality: China
    November 14, 2020 at 7:52 am

    Which is the best way to improve the quality of dormitory life?

    1) build a quiet place for study

    2) build an exercise room

    3) build a place for entertainment

    It is good for students’ healthy to build an exercise room. Constructing an exercise room, instead of an entertainment place, is good for students’ physical health. In detail, after a whole day of study, teenagers can play sports within their dormitory; on the contrary, they have to go outside the university or gym if the dormitory does not have a place for them to do exercise. Moreover, never can we ignore the significance of students’ mental health. To be more specific, teenagers have lots of academic stress, such as presentations, papers, and final exams. Doing exercise is a good way for them to relax; however, by offering a quiet place to study, universities just give them an extra place to study. The place in dormitories or other places is not different, as universities have already offered numerous places to youngsters for study.

    What should be equally worth discussing is that building an exercise room is good for students to bond a strong connection with each other. Initially, it is doing exercise that helps youngsters to expand their social circle. To explain it future, by doing exercise, students are likely to form a supervision team to supervise each other. By doing so, they are able to meet different people. The more exercise they participate in, the more friends they will make; nevertheless, how can students make lots of friends in an entertainment room since many students are not interested in playing games. In addition, not only can teenagers expand their social circle but also they can maintain a relationship with their old friends. Specifically, students who are preoccupied with tons of class’ assignments do not have enough time to hang out with friends outside. It is well-know that everyone needs to do exercise to keep fit. Therefore, by doing sports together, old friends can spend time together; on the contrary, it is not everyone that likes playing games in an entertainment room. If old friends do not like games, you need to find other places and spend more time to maintain relationships with them.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    November 20, 2020 at 3:27 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    3. Word choice errors
    4. Use only one transition phrase per sentence

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.