Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends? a. joining a sports team, b. participate in community activities, c. traveling.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends? a. joining a sports team, b. participate in community activities, c. traveling.

  • rjyc
    University: Southwest University
    Nationality: China
    July 14, 2020 at 12:13 pm

    Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends? a. joining a sports team, b. participate in community activities, c. traveling.

    From my perspective of view, Joining in a sports team makes it easier for students to make new friends. And I will elaborate my ideas from two aspects as follows.

    First of all, Joining in a sports team gives students opportunities to spend a lot of time with teammates. This comes to form an important factor of establishing friendship. As members of a sports team, students are always required to stay together to do trainings such as jugging, swimming and so on. It’s during those precious training time that communications become more frequent between teammates. And the more students talk with each other, the more likely that they will become friends. On the contrary, travelling which in most cases does not span for a very long time provides no enough time for students to communicate or do things together with others. Therefore, it’s hard to build up a friendship through travelling.

    To continue to support my idea, I believe that a sports team can often endow students with a strong sense of connection and solidarity. In most circumstances, sports teams are commonly organized on purpose of winning a game or campaign. This helps each student in the team to set a shared goal and try their best to achieve it. In order to combat with other teams, the team must build up a very strong solidarity, which requires all the team members to learn cooperate and collaborate with each other as well as adapt to the characteristics of each other. Besides, when the team encounters some obstacles, team members have to confer with each other in order to reach a final solution. Then the shared solidarity and experiences of confronting difficulties together make team members get closer to each other. And it’s natural for them to make a lot of new friends in the sports team. If students just volunteer for a community activity, however; the possibility of sharing the same feeling is comparatively low.

    July 14, 2020 at 8:38 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    July 14, 2020 at 8:39 pm

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