Which would you choose: a higher pay job with longer work hours or an average pay job with normal work hours?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Which would you choose: a higher pay job with longer work hours or an average pay job with normal work hours?

  • huangqing
    University: Zhejiang Gongshang University
    Nationality: CHINA
    January 1, 2021 at 1:39 pm

    Which would you choose: a higher pay job with longer work hours or an average pay job with normal work hours?

    Work, an essential part of people’s life, has been valued. As far as I’m concerned, a higher paid job is the better choice.

    To begin with, never can we ignore the fact that a higher quality of life is accompanied with higher incomes. In detail, the more money ones earn, the more services and products they can buy. For example, with a higher wage, people can purchase the new-launched phone, which runs applications faster and is easier for people to manipulate, making people’s life more convenient. What’s more, earning more money, people are enabled to own the chance of traveling around world. By traveling to foreign countries, exotic customs are sure to enlighten people, refresh their mind and spark their ways of thinking. However, both transportation fees and hotel bills can cost them an arm and a leg. Under this circumstance, the only way makes traveling possible for people is to have a higher pay job.

    Additionally, longer working hours also exert a positive effect on people’s working performance. More specifically, one of the main determinants of one’s expertise is the hours they devote to work. Working for a longer time, people can refine their techniques, cultivate efficient working habits and foster a more comprehensive and systematic knowledge structure. Take my 30-year-old brother as an example. Working for Baidu, the head international company in China, his time is nearly occupied by his loaded work. But his devotion is rewarding. After days and nights of modifying and optimizing his machine learning model, his model has become the most accurate and efficient model in his department, satisfying the customers and even intriguing potential clients. As the result, he has been successfully prompted as a senior expert last week. Thanks to longer working hours, my brother becomes one of the brightest stars in Baidu, having a promising future.

    In conclusion, considering all of these reasons, a higher pay job is a wiser choice when people are in confrontation of various job offers.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 4, 2021 at 10:27 pm

    Score: 60.9

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Most of them are unnecessarily lengthy. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. In consideration of sentence coherence, the subject of a sentence better echoes the subject, or the object, of the prior sentence. The subject of a passive sentence, however, often fails to do so, which severely damages the logical flow between sentences.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.