With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for these sources in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging areas?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for these sources in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging areas?

  • STACY
    University: ZHEJIANG UNIVERSITY
    Nationality: CHINESE
    July 28, 2020 at 5:11 am

    With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for these sources in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging areas?

    People tend to search for fossil fuels like oil and gas in remote and unexplored area, in order to meet the greater requirements nowadays. Although it may cause environmental problems, I think the benefits overweigh the drawbacks.

    Looking for more energy sources in unexplored regions can avoid affecting people’s normal live to the maximum extend. Remote places mean that they are far from residential areas, so the environments people live now would not be damaged. And without residents, it takes less time and energy to exploit more sources, which greatly cuts down the cost.

    Another benefit of exploring remote places to get sufficient energy supply is that it can ensure the basic functioning of our society. Human beings use energy sources in all aspects of daily life. For example, many people rely on cars and buses to commute every day, both of which need numerous oils. Gases play an important role in heating and almost every family uses gases to cook meals today. Therefore, it is inevitable and urgent to find more energy sources to ease the energy crisis.

    On the other hand, damaging areas will have an adverse influence on the environments. The over-exploitation of energy in remote areas will cause an impact on the local ecology, which may pose a threat to the lives of various animals. In this way, the sustaining ecological balance will be damaged and result in irreversible harm to the world’s environments.

    In conclusion, searching oils and gases is of vital importance in modern society. I think energy sources should be exploited in remote places to meet the energy needs, even though it may cause environmental problems.

    July 28, 2020 at 9:42 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Make your thesis/argument clearer in the introduction, why do the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?;
    2. Singular versus plural errors;
    3. Article errors;
    4. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    5. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    July 28, 2020 at 9:44 pm

    Invalid [Please complete the revision of your first essay prior to submitting a new essay.]