Your job has a greater effect on your overall happiness than social life does.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Your job has a greater effect on your overall happiness than social life does.

  • bobobablabla
    University: NANKAI
    Nationality: China
    December 2, 2019 at 12:03 pm

    Your job has a greater effect on your overall happiness than social life does.

    Happiness is important in our lives and everyone tries hard to pursue happiness. Some people think that job has a greater effect on the overall happiness than social life does. Personally speaking, I think it is unfair to say that any one outweighs the other one.

    Being good at jobs can definitely make us happy, for it brings us the sense of achievement as well as the sense of security. We get paid through our jobs, therefore we can support our families. Also we can buy things that we like and have some recreation activities which can help us in good mood and enjoy the life happiness.  Meanwhile, we will not get panicked when we are in emergency and need amounts of money. The sense of security is the foundation of the happiness because if one person’ life can not be guaranteed, it is hard to feel happiness. At the same time, if we do our jobs well, we might get compliment from our bosses and clients which can make us feel happy. Also job helps people to find out the value they can make to the society.

    It is true that job can make great effort to our overall happiness, but it does not mean the social life is less important. Through social life, we make lots of friends and establish our own social position, which can also give us the sense of security and achievement, the basis of happiness. Which means when we are in need, we often have friends backing up, supporting us and helping to solve the problems. When we are upset, there are always friends that help us to cheer up and become happy.  These all make effects on our happiness. In the meantime, they need us emotionally to spend time with them, making us feel that we are needed and likeable.

    So we cannot say that one has a greater effect than the other. In terms of happiness, our job and our social life make equal contributions.

    December 20, 2019 at 3:31 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Numerous grammatical errors;
    2. More than 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.