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  • Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 25, 2021 at 2:48 am

    Our world is facing unprecedented crises in history: [including  ]climate change, [ the COVID-19 ]Covid-19 pandemic, social injustice, and so forth. While some might say these problems are impossible to solve, I would be [am  ]confident of[about / or say ‘ I hold the optimism for ] humankind’s capacity and optimistic about our world’s future[of resolving all these challenges in my lifetime  ]. I honestly believe I could see those problems solved during my lifetime.

    Throughout history, [From the Stone Age to the Third Technology Revolution,    ]human beings have confronted [ and solved  ]numerous challenges from the Stone Age to the Third Technology Revolution. Our ancestors living [The ancient people who lived   ]in the remote caves in Africa[ , for instance,  ] were dealing with the risk of [faced attacking threats from   ]predators like lions and tigers every single day[ logical incompleteness  ]. Several hundreds of years later, we [ As time unfolded, humans eventually  ]became the paramount species through teamwork, wisdom, and perseverance. After nuclear weapons [ were  ]invented, many were afraid of the outbreak of [ a  ]nuclear war. Because it was estimated[once it broke out, the whole amount of dusts released by the explosion of nuclear weapons would block the sunlight and bring about the longest winter in human history.][ wordy/unclear  ] One hundred years later, [  During the prior century, ]even though there were tensions between empires like the USA and the Soviet Union, [two global superpowers,   ]we only saw [ only  ]the Cold War instead of the Nuclear War. [ In fact, many  ]Lots of international agreements on nuclear weapon usages have been [were   ]signed[  /concluded ] between countries, aiming to reduce the quantity of nuclear weapons gradually down to zero. Those successful instances above displays[ symbolize  ] how smart we humankinds[ humankind’s ingenuity  ] are and comfort[minimize   ] our anxiety of [ for  ]the future.

    It is true we are confronting severe crisis [ crises  ]now (and the very few is treating them serously)[unclear   ]. However, (I believe as long as we see the consequences such as possible extinction, the whole world would definitely work together to solve them, for no one can risk the cost of its life)[ unclear/wordy/lots of grammatical errors  ].

    To sum up, I believe in human efforts and wisdom. (The long history has repeatedly proven it)[ unclear, choppy sentence  ]. Each generation has its own crises to face, [ logically disconnected here  ]and it turned out we have done great so far. Therefore, I would say proudly and confidently, [ with confidence that  ](problems in front of us are bound to be solved during my lifetime)[repetitive writing without new informatin introduced   ]. And I look forward to that.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 22, 2021 at 9:02 pm

    Score: 62.7

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. Most sentences are wordy and unclear.
    3. Replace all IT subjects with concrete nouns; remove all ‘ there..be ‘ sentences.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 22, 2021 at 8:30 pm

    I agree that celebrities should have more privacy because they lack it[ add more concrete information here  ] severely nowadays[ redundant  ].  In public life, ordinary people[coherence suffers as a result of subject change   ] are eager to peep (the lives of celebrities)[wordy/use 2 words   ].  However, this[ unclear pronoun  ] greatly[vague adverb   ] damages the well-knowns[ improper word to replace celebrities  ] and the[article error/article is NOT needed before a collective noun   ] society.

    [ Missing a transitional word  ](Privacy gives the celebrity time to charge themselves)[ unclear  ]. They present themselves best in front of the public while[ word choice  ] after the show they feel tired and need rests both mentally and physically[ any rest other than mental and physical relaxation?  ]. Why can’t we let them own their personal time? Privacy[ repetition  ] helps them to relax themselves no matter[ either  ] by means of rest or entertainment. [ transitional word missed  ]They can spend time (improving their shortcomings)[ how do you improve shortcoming? make it worse? shortcoming cannot be improved  ] and come back to the stage in a better condition. Emma Watson, the famous British actress[ punctuation error  ] was a student at Brown University for further education. If her privacy was[grammatical error/subjunctive   ] interfered seriously[  misplaced adverb ] during that period, she could[grammatical error/subjunctive voice   ] hardly learn well [ vague – improve performing skills  ]and play (better roles)[word form error   ] in later[ spelling error  ] movies.

    [ Missing a transitory word  ]Adequate privacy provides the celebrity with physical security. To dig out more privacy from the celebrities, a new career[  change of subject ] called Paparazzi (came up)[ wordy – emerged  ] and harmed the celebrity[repetition   ]. One notorious example is[ tense error/ dull Be verb (replace it with a concrete verb)  ] their [ unclear pronoun  ]chasing after [redundant word   ]Princess Diana, causing [/that led to   ]a severe car crash and the death of [that killed   ]the former Princess. This would never happen if the paparazzi give[ grammatical error/subjunctive  ] more privacy to the celebrity[ wrong word  ].

    Considering (the situation)[ unclear  ] from the perspective of normal people, we still need to protect their [unclear pronoun   ]privacy. If famous entertainers and athletes lose [grammatical error   ]their privacy, the privacy of ordinary people will [ grammatical error  ]gain less respect. There have been cases that ordinary people’s personal information being sold among[ wrong preposition  ] illegal organizations. This [ unclear pronoun  ]might cause our loss of money or even life (if taken advantage of by the criminals)[ grammatical error/unclear  ]. (There will be a bad atmosphere that)[redundant/avoid using there…be    ] nobody’s privacy deserves (to be protected)[ passive/unclear  ] unless we recognize the celebrity’s[ inconsistency/celebrity – celebrities  ] privacy is worthy[word choice – respected/relished   ].

    [ lack of transitional word  ]Privacy is protected by the[ article error  ] law as well as morality. Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy so that society will respect individual’s privacy more.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 21, 2021 at 7:53 pm

    Please add my WeChat and remind me of sending you screenshot reviews.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 21, 2021 at 7:53 pm

    Score: 38.6

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 21, 2021 at 7:46 pm

    Score: 41.5

    Problems (lengthy sentences/paragraphs) remain unresolved.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 21, 2021 at 7:07 pm

    Score: 53.7

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 20, 2021 at 8:50 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 85% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 20, 2021 at 8:48 pm

    Invalid [Complete the revision of your other essay prior to submitting another.]

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 20, 2021 at 8:44 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Numerous grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 20, 2021 at 8:34 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. Numerous grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 19, 2021 at 4:03 pm

    Score: 54.8

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 
    3. Lots of grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 19, 2021 at 3:48 pm

    Score: 40.2

    Issues:

    1. About 75% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 19, 2021 at 1:45 am

    Score: 47.7

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 19, 2021 at 1:37 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. Lots of grammatical errors. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.