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Avoid using vague words and phrases such as ” there are”, “it”, “this” and “thing”.

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Modern lifestyles have led to severe public health problems, which has ( have  )drawn wide attention from both government and individuals. Some people believe that government should increase sports equipment to address concerns about public health ( concerns  )problems, while others disagree with this belief. In my opinion, government should enhance sports facilities and employ other measures to resolve( the issue)(unclear   ).

On the one hand, modern(many   ) people are suffering from occupational diseases for the lack of(less   ) exercise. ( missing transitory word  )Government should implement the policy of establishing ( expand  )more sports infrastructures to help people wrestle with these common diseases. Increasing the amount of sports equipment in the community and parks, for example, can give the public more opportunities to take exercise. At the same time, the government(be consistent with government/the government   ) can invest more in improving the quality of ( provide more  )public sports resources, which allows the public to enjoy the same sports infrastructure as in the gym.

On the other hand, government should take other measures to help solve public health problems( repetition / challenges  ). The authorities should ensure the residents realize the importance of keeping healthy and popularize the knowledge about how to take exercise more scientifically.( Lengthy, unclear  ) As such, the residents can get rid of unhealthy lifestyles and develop healthy life habits gradually. Meanwhile, government should call for organizations, like communities, schools, and corporations, to host sporting activities more frequently, thus encouraging greater public involvement in physical exercise. With these joint efforts can public health issues be resolved more efficiently.(unnecessary passive   )

In my opinion, government should not only contribute more to increasing the intensity and quality of sports facilities, ( punctuation error  )but also take other measures to resolve the public health issue.( Repetition. No new info provided.  )

Public health problems have ( remains )always been a concern in many countries. ( incoherent )(There is )(unclear subject  )a growing advocacy for the addition of (adding  )sports facilities to improve the health level of citizens. While these facilities do contribute to people’s health ( improvement ), I believe that other measures can ( also )be taken, too.

The (First, the  )increasing number of sports facilities can promote people’s fitness. The availability of more sports facilities, such as public parks( Parks ), tennis courses, ( as well as )swimming pools, ( for instance, ) can help to reduce ( minimize )the need to travel a long distance to (go to distant )sports centres, encouraging( thereby allowing ) people to develop a habit of (engage  )regular exercise in their free time. (The visible presence of others participating in sports activities will make it possible for those who prefer a sedentary lifestyle to become more physically active, too.) ( unclear )For example, if local residents see ( saw )their neighbours jogging or doing yoga in the park, they will( would ) put down their mobile phones and be keen to follow suit, which in turn helps them release stress from work (or study and build strong bodies(( unclear ).

However, other measures can be as significant to(also  ) enhance people’s health because the lack of exercise is not the only factor that leads to health problems. One measure that can be undertaken is launching ( Launching )health awareness campaigns on( via ) television programmes(can be an effective measure  ). For example, ( In doing so, )governments can educate the public about the consequences of poor diet (habits such as fast food)( confusion ), which(unclear  ) are calorically high and nutritionally low, and the latter ( unclear )will reduce the consumption of such food, potentially leading to a reduction in obesity rate and other health problems( redundant, unclear sentence ). Additionally, clear calories and ingredients ( unclear )should be required to be labelled on the package of food so that people can make wiser food choices; government can impose penalties on those businesses that fail to follow this policy.(unclear  )

Personally, I think providing more sports facilities can only best benefit those who are already fond of sports, and it(unclear pronoun  ) is more important to motivate the public to adopt a healthy lifestyle.

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Some people strongly believe that punishment plays an important role (redundant – is critical  )in helping children tell right from wrong. Not all kinds of punishment, however, suit the young, especially infants who don’t understand what is happening or why he or she is punished.

Excessive punishment is unnecessary and could have a devastating effect on the children’s futures(/growth  ). For example, teens ( Teens )whose parents used physical punishment are more likely to become aggressive. Even worse, inappropriate punishment makes children become even more rebellious and lose interest in everything. If punishment are( is ) needed, it should not be of a physical nature. For instance, spanking merely sends the information that it is acceptable for large people to hit smaller ones, which might result in( encourage ) the children starting to bully others.

In my opinion, appropriate punishment is more likely to help children stop doing something bad again. Teachers and parents can use a variety of methods to discipline their children, ( ; )such ( methods include )as detention, taking away privileges, and grounding. Preferably, children learn the importance of taking their own responsibilities through the process. For instance, children are being made to pick up the rubbish they have dropped, clean the graffiti they have drawn( drew ), and apologize to someone they have hurt.

In sum, punishment is usually only useful with a short-term effect and leaves(BE-DOES;  it can/might leave/lead to  ) severe trauma. (As such, parents )Parents and teachers are advised to choose better approaches to encourage children to behave themselves and learn to be responsible for their mistakes themselves. Only in this way can teens finally become a meaningful part for the society.