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  • TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    September 3, 2019 at 2:44 am

    Score: 19.9

    Please revise your essay based on the following, and then resubmit your essay.

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    • Shorten your essay to 320- words.

    I will send you the screenshot via WeChat in relation to your essay problems.

    Regards,

    Lin Qiu

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    September 2, 2019 at 9:12 pm

    Score: 44.9

    Check my video review and revision below:

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    September 2, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    Score: 59.7

    I have sent you the screenshots in relation to errors/problems of your essay. Please revise your TOEFL essay and submit your essay again.

    Regards,

    Lin Qiu

     

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    September 2, 2019 at 1:57 am

    Score: 70.2

    Please revise your essay to meet the following requirements before I work on your essay. Thank you!

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    • Shorten your essay to 320 words;
    • Restrict each paragraph to 85 words.

     

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 27, 2019 at 9:38 pm

    Hi, please get your answer by watching this video.

    https://personalstatement101.com/how-to-write-hku-master-of-science-in-business-analytics-statement-of-purpose/

    Thank you!

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 27, 2019 at 2:04 am

    Score: 45.8

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    IELTS Writing Topic: Some people think that schools should select students according to their academic abilities, while others believe that it is better to have students with different abilities studying together.
    It is true that individual’s [redundant ]IQ varies from person to person. Some people believe students should be allocated [passive ]to different schools or classes which are compatible with their academic competence as/since it is beneficial to their academic performance. [ wordy]however, others holds [ grammatical error]that all students should be educated [passive ] together regardless of their abilities. In my opinion, students should be educated [passive ]together[repetition ] in lectures, but with separate tutorials.
     
    On the one hand, being taught [passive ]according to their learning abilities can help students perform better in academic fields, [punctuation error ]because those with same abilities have similar learning speeds.[ wordy] Therefore, the teacher can focus more on the contents of the lecture without worrying [ preposition error]someone cannot catch up with others. For instance, some schools have set up excellent-students classes where teachers have faster teaching speeds and deeper contents[logical confusion ]. As a result, the graduates turned out to be admitted [passive ]into prestigious high schools or universities. Therefore, it is reasonable to educate pupils considering their abilities.
     
    On the flip side[ wrong usage], some people think that separating students by the abilities does harm to their metal [ incorrect word]health, bot [incorrect word ]for brilliant students and ordinary students. [ wordy]It may lead to anxiety if there are too[ problematic adverb] many good students together, as the competition among them will be extremely intense. Meanwhile, average students may suffer feelings of from depression since they are excluded from their clever counterparts. [ wordy]Therefore, opponents think that the allocation of students should be banned, [passive ] giving consideration [wrong phrase ]of keeping mental health.[ wordy/logical confusion]
     
    In my opinion, students should study together with optional tutorials separately, during which teaching assistants will answer students’ questions separately. [ wordy]This [ unclear pronoun]provides students chances to both study together and at their own paces[grammatical error ]. In such cases, both mental health and academic performance are guaranteed. [passive ]

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

    [Please share this essay (copy URL) on your WeChat Moments or relevant social media if you like my revision. Thank you!]

    WritersForMe Writing Tips

    1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
    2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
    3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
    4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
    5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
    6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
    7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
    8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
    9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
    10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
    11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
    12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
    13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
    14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
    15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
    16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
    17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
    18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

    Would like to know how to write Statement of Purpose and Personal Statement? Please visit PersonalStatement101.com.

     

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 27, 2019 at 1:37 am

    Score: 53.3

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    IELTS Writing TOPIC: The chart below gives information about Southland’s main exports in 2000, 2018, and future projections for 2025.

    The bar chart manifested/manifests that Southland’s major exports in 2000, 2019 and the estimated the year 2025.

    Overall, it is salient that the category of International Tourism is going on remains/remained a rising tendency in terms of the revenue generated. In contrast, the variety of Meat product Products witnessed a downward trend in 2025.

    Turning to the nuances, International tourism Tourism reached the maximum revenue in 2025, accounting for $ 10 billion or so. At the same year, however, [ lack a subject ] will have observed the lowest figure for money,  roughly 5 billion pounds.

    Furthermore, it is worth noting that in terms of the Dairy Products products produced the most significant amount of revenues in 2019. Noticed the same amount figure as the revenue in International tourism, which was ten billion pounds [Grammatical error  ] .

    Last but equally important, the category of International Tourism tourism struck in 2000, comprising 8 billion pounds. It is worth noting for being prominent in the same year.

    [Please share this essay (copy URL) on your WeChat Moments or relevant social media if you like my revision. Thank you!]

    WritersForMe Writing Tips

    1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
    2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
    3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
    4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
    5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
    6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
    7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
    8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
    9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
    10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
    11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
    12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
    13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
    14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
    15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
    16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
    17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
    18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

    Would like to know how to write Statement of Purpose and Personal Statement? Please visit PersonalStatement101.com.

     

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 26, 2019 at 10:54 pm

    Score: 50.2

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    IELTS Writing TOPIC: It is better for students at university to live far away from home than to live at home with their parents. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living far from home?

    In modern society, youngsters symbolize the hope and future of our nation. Accordingly, it has become a hot topic that how to enhance [It is foolish to use content from other essays  ] Therefore, enhancing young people‘s college students’ comprehensive qualities remains critical when they at college. On this matter, some professors claim that choosing to live away from home is better for students. From different perspectives, however, this choice makes both positive and negative impacts.

    Living away from parents can help develop the young’s communicational abilities. As this occasion, with many peers from different areas, inspires them to communicate with classmates frequently. [ Awkward writing   ]Meantime, youngsters’ social abilities may be promoted [passive/improve  ]through while adapting to a variety of diverse cultures and customs. Like learning English in an ancient-tongue country, staying in a special environment can help students learn new things quickly.

    Meanwhile, living away from home can also enhance students’ independent working skills of doing anything independently. In the contemporary life, a growing number of young people find it quite comfortable to enjoy parental love and attention. Nonetheless, it is staying away from their parents that enables them to wash clothes, make curriculum choices and clean rooms on their own.

    However, many parents in large numbers are worried about their children at long-distance universities. Admittedly, unsafe events, such as school violence and traffic jams, have a harmful influence on teenagers. But with scientific and technological development rapidly, young people can keep in touch with their families at any time.  Additionally, the government makes effective policies to protect youngsters.

    To sum up, it is better for youngsters to live away from their families in during college life. They should not only socialize more naturally(, )but also deal with tasks more maturely. For improving children’s overall qualities, university is a useful setting upon teenagers’ growth.

    [Please share this essay (copy URL) on your WeChat Moments or relevant social media if you like my revision. Thank you!]

    WritersForMe Writing Tips

    1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
    2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
    3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
    4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
    5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
    6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
    7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
    8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
    9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
    10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
    11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
    12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
    13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
    14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
    15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
    16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
    17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
    18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

    Would like to know how to write Statement of Purpose and Personal Statement? Please visit PersonalStatement101.com.

     

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 26, 2019 at 10:34 pm

    Score: 57.8

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.

    Problems Highlight

    IELTS Writing Topic: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Cambridge 14 test 2
    Some people argue that the paramount problem for the environment is the extinction of particular kinds of animals and plants, while others say that there are more essential issues. [ Wordy ]I strongly agree that the disappearance of species is not the foremost problem.
     
    On the one hand, the loss of species may jeopardize the local biodiversity and bio balance. If an animal in the food chain cease [ grammatical error ] to exist, other members of the chain may end up in danger of a decline in the number. In turn, such an event could trigger others [ incorrect word ] food chains in a region because chains are related [passive /relate to] to each other. An avalance [ spelling error ] occur[ grammatical error ] , perpetrating [spelling error  ] the bio balance and harming the biodiversity. The example of such a disaster is one island in the Pacific, where poachers killed local cats for fur. Not the island has no life because after the killing of all cats the rats ate all vegetation and every animal died of starvation[ awkward sentence ] .
     
    On the other hand, pollution and the contraction of living space for the wildlife jeopardize [ repetition ] flora and fauna a lot[ informal/considerably/significantly ] . As cities grow, more and more toxic waste is produced, as well as more wilderness is populated [punctuation error ] leaving no room for animals. Consequently, particular kinds of animals become endangered or extinct, and one[ unclear pronoun ] has all [article error  ] problems mentioned above.[ Wordy ] For instance, the deforestation in the basin of the river Amazon, which caused [ article error ] extinction of thousands of types of animals and plants, was initiated [passive ] because of overpopulated towns in Brazil (the cities demanded the expansion). [ Wordy ]So, pollution and lack of space might be the very reason for species liss and [unparalleled/ might be – must be  ] must be tackled [passive ] or alleviated.
     
    In conclusion, even though the protection of species is [Be Verb/remains  ] vital for biodiversity and bio balance, there are issues which can cause species’ extinction, like pollution or contradiction of living space for flora and fauna. [ Wordy ] These issues are more essential.

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

    [Please share this essay (copy URL) on your social media if you like my revision. Thank you!]

    WritersForMe Writing Tips

    1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
    2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
    3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
    4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
    5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
    6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
    7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
    8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
    9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
    10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
    11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
    12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
    13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
    14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
    15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
    16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
    17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
    18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

    Would like to know how to write Statement of Purpose and Personal Statement? Please visit PersonalStatement101.com.

     

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 26, 2019 at 10:12 pm

    Score: 53.3

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    • Shorten your essay to 320- words;
    • Restrict each paragraph to 85 words.

    You MUST resolve the issues above before I work on your essay.

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 26, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    You submit your essay to the wrong forum. Please submit it to TOEFL Writing Topics should you need review and revision.

    Best regards,

    Lin Qiu

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 26, 2019 at 9:32 pm

    Hi, I will not work on this essay until you complete the revision of your last essay in full.

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 26, 2019 at 9:10 pm

    Score: 68.5

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    TOEFL Writing Topic: It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.

    We have been told [Passive]that a man will never be too late to learn and learning is a life-long matter. But there are some disagreements when it comes to the exact content that people, especially students, should learn. Some people believe that understanding ideas and concepts is more important than learning facts, and the [article error  ] others hold the opposite view. From my own perspective, learning facts is the/an essential process of understanding abstract concepts and great ideas. I mean, without learning facts, students can never fully understand how the concepts and ideas work.
     
    In school, we learn many concepts and ideas from masterpieces of famous human beings, like scientists and artists, but it only completes half part of [ article error ] learning process.[ Wordy ] By knowing the application and cases of those concepts in[ article error ] real situation, students obtain [ article error ] deeper understanding and manage to use it properly. [ Wordy ] When we come upon the stage, at that time nobody teach [ grammatical error ] us concept any more. We only learn facts from our practice, or more often our mistakes. It will be a bit late for us to learn,[punctuation error  ] because many mistakes will be made [Passive] in the process of exercising methods. We will realize by then that we should have learnt those facts when we are students.
     
    Most of [article error  ] knowledge exists for application. Taking law as an example,[ punctuation error ] students cannot understand a legal concept or term properly until putting it into a real case and considering it under our social background.[ Wordy ] Just remembering the words is never enough for a law student. Instead, they need to read cases and use it[incorrect pronoun  ] repeatedly in their career. After practicing a few times, until this[ unclear pronoun ] they can be sure of understanding and even mastering the legal concepts and system.
     
    In some specific circumstances, learning the concept itself is[ Be verb ] far from understanding it. For instance, English [ unclear ] students learn grammar principles at[ wrong preposition ] class, which is quite fundamental and helpful to [incorrect propersition  ] writing. [ Wordy ] For fully understanding, they will learn a couple of example sentences, and if they want to make sure of precise handling, they need to make their own sentences. [ Wordy ] Without doing that, students cannot develop their writing ability and become [ article error ] real English major.
     
    Learning is a life-long matter in deed[ spelling error ] , and it is more important for students to learn facts than merely learn concepts and ideas. Only by doing so can we understand the[ article error ] how the ideas and concepts work.

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

    [Please share this essay (copy URL) on your WeChat Moments or relevant social media if you like my revision. Thank you!]

    WritersForMe Writing Tips

    1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
    2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
    3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
    4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
    5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
    6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
    7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
    8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
    9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
    10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
    11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
    12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
    13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
    14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
    15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
    16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
    17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
    18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

    Would like to know how to write Statement of Purpose and Personal Statement? Please visit PersonalStatement101.com.

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 25, 2019 at 1:52 am

    Score: 70.5

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    If we are having [ grammatical error ]a lesson, or attending [grammtical error  ] a meeting [punctuation error  ]and the teacher or the meeting leader says something wrong, what will we do? We interrupt and correct the mistake right away or wait until the class or meeting is over and people are all gone. And [ coordinating word error ]even more, we just say nothing and pretend that we do not know about the mistake. If this situation happens at [ preposition error ]me, I think [ redundant ]I will wait until the end of class or meeting and then talk to the teacher or meeting leader[ very wordy ]. So[ coordinating word/punctuation error ], he or she will know about the mistake without feeling embarrassed and correct the mistake during [ article error ]next class or meeting.
     
    I believe it is very embarrassing to correct the mistake right away. I mean it is definitely right for us to correct the mistake, but we should find a more appropriate chance to do so. Directly pointing out the mistake and correcting it may let the teacher or leader embarrassing[grammatical error  ] and being [ grammatical error ]blamed.
     
    Besides, it is also inappropriate for us not to correct the mistake, [ punctuation error ]because the mistake may confuse other students or employees. Thus, in my point of view, we should let the teacher or meeting leader know about the mistake so that teacher or leader can be aware of the mistake and prevent their students or employees from making mistakes. [ Wordy ]
     
    So,[ wrong word ] in my opinion, we should tell the teacher or the leader about the mistake after class or meeting. I think it is a win-win if we do so, because in that case, the teacher or the leader can be aware of the mistake and correct it during next class or next meeting without being embarrassed. [ Wordy ] And, [ coordinating word error ]other students or employees also can avoid making mistakes. [too many repetitions of ‘making mistakes’]
     
    In conclusion, the best solution to deal with correcting[  redundant] the mistake is to let them know about the mistake after class or meeting when people are gone. [ Wordy ] Therefore, the teacher or leader can know about the mistake without being embarrassed. Also, they can correct their mistake during [ article error ]next class or meeting to avoid their students or employees being confused[  grammatical error].
    * You are repeating the same sentences throughout the essay, which wastes readers’ time. 

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

    [Please share this essay (copy URL) on your WeChat Moments or relevant social media if you like my revision. Thank you!]

    WritersForMe Writing Tips

    1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
    2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
    3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
    4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
    5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
    6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
    7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
    8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
    9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
    10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
    11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
    12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
    13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
    14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
    15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
    16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
    17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
    18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

    WritersForMe is sponsored by ChinaSEOchecker – 中国首款具有国际领先水平的全球精准营销软件

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 24, 2019 at 2:31 am

    Score: Ungraded

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

     

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

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    WritersForMe Writing Tips

    1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
    2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
    3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
    4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
    5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
    6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
    7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
    8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
    9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
    10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
    11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
    12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
    13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
    14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
    15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
    16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
    17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
    18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

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