Nathan_Wong
Your Replies
-
June 5, 2021 at 6:44 am
This is a good-written essay, though I have two minor pieces of advice.
First of all, this essay does not involve or even mention the opposite option, namely spending time exploring museums. Therefore, you may be very convincing in arguing that option A is “good”, but you may fail to argue that A is “better”, as is asked by the question. It will be better if you cast doubt or discuss the cons of the opposite view.
Second of all, I think the example could be more detailed. For instance, use specific names, places, times, and alike to improve the credibility of your instance.
June 5, 2021 at 6:30 amThank you so much, Douvleplus. I really appreciate your reply.
You are not wrong at all! In fact, you pointed out the two most essential problems of my essay, i.e., (1) the relationship between the example and the main idea, and (2) the relationship between two main ideas. Actually, as you mentioned, I had difficulties coming up with suitable examples and main ideas supporting the thesis, namely students exert more influence, which directly resulted in the interdependence and the overlap of the two main ideas and instances.
Moreover, you are also right in terms of the logic between the first example and the conclusion (“the more, the more” one). There are no direct links between the two.
I will carefully consider your advice, and I sincerely thank you for the suggestions. You are really a good advisor and reader!
By the way, If you also prefer, I would like to share with you my WhatsApp or other contacts so that we can mutually help each otherer in writing.
