xicoooon
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  • xicoooon
    University: 南开大学
    Nationality: China
    April 18, 2019 at 11:19 am

    Nowadays, with the advent of modernization, increasingly people are suffering from the throat-cutting job market. Most of they have to grab the very chance to enhance their competitiveness by learning various high-end technology, which is usually time-consuming, to secure them a lucrative career. However, people’s views differ greatly as to which should be the superior option of course arrangement to all students should take history course or to whether take a history depends on students themselves. Considering we’d better arrange our life in the long term, I choose to stand behind the statement that we everyone should take history class.

    First, most of us are not happy although we have already been master of several technologies. In China, before we born, our parents has already placed high expectations on us, for example, we have to take all kinds of after school tutoring programs in order to attend top universities, we have to study twelve hours a day simply practicing the knowledge we have learned thousand times, and it starts the day we born and ends at 18, if we did do this, many people would have a more meaningful teenage life. If you’re lucky enough to go to a key university, do not get relaxed first, because what you are facing is to attend a better university or to get a nice job. However, I have seen lots of people are fed up with this, they are overwhelmed by loneliness more or less.

    Second, as far as I am concerned, the reason why I am satisfied with my life is that I have an idea of history, not only can it tell us who we are, where we from, what life is, what we living for but also can we predict the future using it. in my own case, I was very upset or say depressed at the beganning of my college life, it was hard for me to major in mathematics, so I kept asking myself what I was doing, when the end was, and was I going to be in such a bad mood until I die? To answer these questions, I had read a lot of history books during my spare time,and luckily enough I have solved most of them. now I am proud of my homeland and heroes coming from here, like chairman Mao, Zhu Geliang, HanXin and so on, they are full of wisdom, they know humanness very well, and they know what people are thinking and what will happen tomorrow. They are the exact person I want to be. Besides, combined with observing reality, I come to know that all of us will have our show time in history, this is because, at present, the resources are dominated by middle-aged, like the professors in our school, like Jack Ma, but they are bound to get older, so all of us have chance to define the world we want. And the most important thing is to make progress step by step, inch by inch, day by day. This make me feel better when it comes to my future life.

    From my point of view, this world not only made of substance but also from spirit. We have already done so much for our surviving, so all of us need an opportunity to calm ourselves down, history can definitely conduce to achieve this goal.

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    This essay scores 59.8. (Your score might be lower when you reduce your essay to 320 words, which is our requirement.)

    Problems

    1. The essay is wordy, so reduce it to 320 words;
    2. Excessive use of passive-voice sentences;
    3. Many sentences exceed 20 words;
    4. Paragraphs exceed the 85-word requirement;
    5. Half of the sentences are very difficult to read;
    6. Large number of grammar/conventions/punctuation/vocabulary issues.