A government spends money on all adults after 25 on a training course for the most up to date skills at the workplace. Do you think it is effective?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing A government spends money on all adults after 25 on a training course for the most up to date skills at the workplace. Do you think it is effective?

  • rex
    University: SUES
    Nationality: China
    December 9, 2019 at 1:43 am

    A government spends money on all adults after 25 on a training course for the most up to date skills at the workplace. Do you think it is effective?

    As we all live in a highly developing world which contains abundant advanced technology like artificial intelligence, autopilot, holograph, it seems that young people require more skills which are closely related to the high tech nowadays than before. From where I stand, it is absolutely effective for young man to take those training course at work place.

    First and foremost, most of the young workers do not have much time studying while working. Instead of working all the time, even staying up all night, learning skills which are on the same page with high tech at workplace is bound to be an optimal mean to pay equal attention on either work or study simultaneously. Steve jobs, known as the father of Apple, also utilized his spare time to learn and study computer skills in an old, obsolete garage, which was borrowed from his cousin. Imagine that without learning the most up to date skills, the computer chips and software at that time, he would never establish Apple corporation.

    Moreover, usually when one is at his workplace, he will act more effectively than he is at home or somewhere else. As a consequence, workers will learn the skills at the best rate of absorbing the knowledge, which is definitely beneficial for their knowledge build-up. Taking myself as an example, when I study in library, which is the workplace for me, I will pay more attention on the job than I sit in the dorm. This phenomenon also has been proved by Stanford University, they did some research on the people who read the same articles in the library or in crowed place. The result presented that those people who read articles in library have higher level of concentration as they read more contents of the article.

    In a nutshell, to catch up the pace of this new era, young man, especially at the age of 25, by no means ignore the significance of learning the skills, which are closely related to our world. Workplace is the optimal place for them to take courses and absorb knowledge.

     

    December 19, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    Score: 53.3

    Issues:

    1. Numerous grammatical errors;
    2. More than 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them;
    3. Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.