A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. At present, the nearest jazz club is over 60 miles away from Monroe; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. In addition, there is ample evidence of the popularity of jazz in Monroe.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. At present, the nearest jazz club is over 60 miles away from Monroe; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. In addition, there is ample evidence of the popularity of jazz in Monroe.

  • thatreallycounts
    University: Tongji University
    Nationality: China
    January 11, 2022 at 3:43 am

    A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. At present, the nearest jazz club is over 60 miles away from Monroe; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. In addition, there is ample evidence of the popularity of jazz in Monroe.

    The author argues that it would be significantly profitable if a jazz music club is held in Monroe. To prove this conclusion, the author has given a series of evidence. However, the evidence is not persuasive enough.

    To begin with, the author believes that the proposed club, the C Note, will attract the whole local market considering its geographic advantage. However, this may not be the case. Because good business does not merely rely on location advantage. For example, if the C Note does not have good service quality, people would prefer the jazz club that is over 60 miles away from Monroe thinking about its better atmosphere and lower price. Moreover, the distance may not be a problem for citizens in Monroe. For example, public transportation is extremely convenient and persons can go straight to the club by subway. In short, without more information about the influence of distance on jazz club business, the author cannot draw such a conclusion.

    In addition, the author argues that jazz is very popular in Monroe by listing some relevant evidence. However, they are not reliable. Firstly, the popular jazz festival cannot represent the popularity of jazz in Monroe. For example, most of the 100,000 people may be from other cities which are far away from Monroe. As a result, after the jazz festival, the local persons will not focus on jazz. Moreover, several famous jazz musicians living in Monroe may not be helpful for the business of the jazz club. Maybe they are retired and will not go to jazz clubs. Also, the radio program cannot illustrate the popularity of jazz in Monroe. For example, the program is popular because it is played in golden time. In short, without a much deeper survey about the attitude of people in Monroe to jazz, such a judgment made by the author is not dependable.

    Finally, the author believes that the new jazz club will make a profit. However, the profit is influenced by cost and revenue at the same time. If the cost of a jazz club is extremely high, it will not be profitable. For example, the rent of the house of the jazz club may be expensive because it is located in the downtown area of Monroe. Furthermore, the jazz club may invite the well-known jazz musicians living in Monroe to attract more customers. This may be a huge cost. In short, without more evidence and information about the possible cost of opening a jazz club, the author cannot conclude easily.

    In conclusion, while the author suggests that the new jazz club would be profitable from many different aspects, we still need extra information and evidence to prove this judgment.

    January 18, 2022 at 3:39 am

    The author argues that it would be significantly profitable if a jazz music club is held [Redundant   ][   ][ a potential jazz music club  ]in Monroe [would be lucrative   ]. To prove[  /justify ] this conclusion, the author has given[gives   ] (a series of evidence)[ wrong phrase  ]. However, the evidence is not persuasive enough.

    To begin with, the author believes that the proposed club, the [article error   ]C Note, will attract[dominate   ] the whole local market considering its geographic advantage. However, this[ unclear pronoun  ] may not be the case. Because good business does not merely rely on location advantage. For example, if the C Note does not have good service quality, people would prefer the jazz club that is over 60 miles away from Monroe thinking about its better atmosphere and lower price. Moreover, the distance may not be a problem for citizens in Monroe. For example, public transportation is extremely convenient and persons can go straight to the club by subway. In short, without more information about the influence of distance on jazz club business, the author cannot draw such a conclusion.

    In addition, the author argues that jazz is very popular in Monroe by listing some relevant evidence. However, they are not reliable. Firstly, the popular jazz festival cannot represent the popularity of jazz in Monroe. For example, most of the 100,000 people may be from other cities which are far away from Monroe. As a result, after the jazz festival, the local persons will not focus on jazz. Moreover, several famous jazz musicians living in Monroe may not be helpful for the business of the jazz club. Maybe they are retired and will not go to jazz clubs. Also, the radio program cannot illustrate the popularity of jazz in Monroe. For example, the program is popular because it is played in golden time. In short, without a much deeper survey about the attitude of people in Monroe to jazz, such a judgment made by the author is not dependable.

    Finally, the author believes that the new jazz club will make a profit. However, the profit is influenced by cost and revenue at the same time. If the cost of a jazz club is extremely high, it will not be profitable. For example, the rent of the house of the jazz club may be expensive because it is located in the downtown area of Monroe. Furthermore, the jazz club may invite the well-known jazz musicians living in Monroe to attract more customers. This may be a huge cost. In short, without more evidence and information about the possible cost of opening a jazz club, the author cannot conclude easily.

    In conclusion, while the author suggests that the new jazz club would be profitable from many different aspects, we still need extra information and evidence to prove this judgment.

    January 18, 2022 at 3:45 am

    Partial revision [Fix same/similar problems and then resubmit.]