Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of its negative effect. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of its negative effect. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • kara
    University: Qingdao University
    Nationality: Chinese
    March 16, 2021 at 1:42 pm

    Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of its negative effect. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    In modern time, the negative effects of  a large number of advertising towards children lead many people to tend to ban them. In my opinion, I completely agree with this opinion.

    There is no doubt that some advertising about food with a high level of fat and sugar caused children’s obesity. And then children may be appealed by the creative idea and tasty picture of them and ignore the unhealthy factor. For example, the chocolate advertising does not contain a precise introduction about the sugar and fat content. The children have not developed a full understanding of healthy food. They will have unlimited to have them, which has been a main factor in children obesity.

    At the same time,Little children pester their parents to buy the products advertised on TV and social media. This is because children can not get a clear perspective of their true needs; the commercials create artificial needs. The price of some products may beyond the economic strength of parents and increase the social pressure on them. The popularity of these products is accompanied by the meaningless comparison between the children about family economic conditions. There is an adverse effect on the development of children, which let them give priority to money than any other precious qualities and abilities.

    Children are unable to differentiate between the actual situation and commercials. Some advertisements use an exaggerated way to describe the social environment in order to stimulate the desire for the products. This disconnects the children from reality and produces misstatement on the world to them. Children acquire knowledge from the surrounding things include the advertisement aimed at them.

    In summary, it seems to me that the advertising aimed at children is more suitable to be banned.

    March 18, 2021 at 1:42 am

    Score: 57.1

    Issues:

    1. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    2. Most sentences are unclear.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    kara
    University: Qingdao University
    Nationality: Chinese
    March 18, 2021 at 12:21 pm

    In modern times, the adverse effects of a large number of advertising towards children lead many people to tend to ban them. In my opinion, I completely agree with this opinion.

    Some advertising about food with a high level of fat and sugar caused children’s obesity. Most of children may be appealed by the creative idea and tasty picture of them and ignore the unhealthy factor. For example, the majority of chocolate advertising does not contain a detailed introduction about the sugar and fat content. The children have not developed a complete understanding of healthy food. They will have unlimited to have them, which has been a leading factor in childhood obesity.

    At the same time, little children pester their parents to buy the products advertised on TV and social media. The reason for this phenomenon is that children can not get a clear perspective of their true needs; the commercials create artificial needs. The prices of some products may exceed the parents can afford, which put financial pressure on them. The popularity of these products lead to the meaningless comparison between the children about family economical conditions. There is an adverse effect on the mental development of children, which make them give priority to money than any other precious qualities and abilities.

    Children are unable to differentiate between the actual situation and commercials. Some advertisements use an exaggerated way to describe the social environment to stimulate the desire for the products. This way disconnects the children from reality and produces misstatement on the world to them. Children acquire knowledge from the surrounding things include the advertisement aimed at them.

    In summary, it seems that the advertising aimed at children is more suitable to be banned.

    March 20, 2021 at 1:55 am

    Score: 56.4

    Issues:

    1. Transition words are needed for many sentences.
    2. Lots of grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    kara
    University: Qingdao University
    Nationality: Chinese
    March 20, 2021 at 12:21 pm

    In modern times, the adverse effects of a large number of advertising towards children lead many people to tend to ban them. In my opinion, I completely agree with this opinion.

    Some advertising about food with a high level of fat and sugar caused children’s obesity. Most of the children may be appealed by the creative idea and tasty picture of them and ignore the unhealthy factor. For example, plenty of the chocolate advertising does not contain a detailed introduction about the sugar and fat content. The children have not developed a complete understanding of healthy food. They will have unlimited to have them, which has been a leading factor in childhood obesity.

    At the same time, little children pester their parents to buy the products advertised on TV and social media. This phenomenon contributes to the artificial needs created by the commercials, which cause children can not get a clear perspective of their true needs. As we all know, the prices of some products may exceed their parents can afford and puts financial pressure on them. The popularity of these products leads to the meaningless comparison between the children about family economic conditions. As a result, there is an adverse effect on the mental development of children, which makes them give priority to money than any other precious qualities and abilities.

    In addition, children are unable to differentiate between the actual situation and commercials. Some advertisements use an exaggerated way to describe the social environment to stimulate the desire for the products. Certainly, this way disconnects the children from reality and produces misstatement on the world to them. Children acquire knowledge from the surrounding things include the advertisement aimed at them.

    In summary, it seems that the advertising aimed at children is more suitable to be banned.

    March 20, 2021 at 2:12 pm

    In modern times, the adverse effects of a large number of advertising[ wrong word  ] towards children (lead many people to tend to ban)[unclear   ] them[ unclear pronoun  ] . (In my opinion, I completely agree with this opinion.)[ unclear  ]

    Some advertising[wrong word   ] about food with[ unclear preposition – can modify both Advertising and Food  ] a high level of fat and sugar caused[ inconsistency in tense  ] children’s obesity. (Most of the children)[ wordy  ] may (be appealed by )[ unnecessary passive  ] the creative idea and tasty picture of them[  unclear pronoun ] (and ignore the unhealthy factor)[ confusing  ] . For example, plenty of the [ article error  ] (chocolate advertising)[unclear   ] does not[ avoid using NOT  ] contain a detailed introduction[ /description  ] about the[ article error  ] sugar and fat content. The [ article error ] children have not developed a complete understanding of healthy food. (They will have unlimited to have them) [grammatical error  ], which has been a leading factor in childhood obesity.

    At the same time, little children pester their parents to buy the products advertised on TV and social media. This phenomenon contributes to the (artificial needs) [ unclear ] created by the [ article error ] commercials, which cause [grammatical error  ] children (can not) [spelling/grammatical error  ] get a clear perspective of their true needs. (As we all know,) [redundant  ] the prices of some products may exceed their [ unclear pronoun ] parents can afford [grammatical error  ] (and puts) [ logical inconsistency ] financial pressure on them [ unclear pronoun ]. The popularity of these products leads to the [article error  ] meaningless comparison (between the children about family economic conditions.) [ unclear ] As a result, (there is) [redundant  ] an adverse effect on (the mental development of children) [ wordy ], which makes them give priority to money (than any other precious qualities and abilities.) [unclear  ]

    In addition, (children are unable to differentiate) [zero-conditional  ] between the [article error  ] (actual situation and commercials) [unclear  ]. Some advertisements use an exaggerated way to describe the social environment to stimulate (the desire for the products) [ unclear ]. Certainly, this way disconnects the [article error  ] children from reality and produces (misstatement on the world to them) [ unclear ]. Children acquire knowledge from the [unclear  ] surrounding things [, including  ] include the [article error  ] advertisement [  word form error] aimed at them.

    In summary, it seems that the [ article error ] advertising aimed at children is more suitable to [ should ]be banned.

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