Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  • cccc
    University: 深圳大学
    Nationality: 中国
    March 4, 2021 at 1:38 pm

    Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

    It is confirmed that children are supposed to raise the awareness of competition, whereas others insist that it is more essential to be co-operative as opposed to competitive for children’s development. As far as I am concerned, both of the characteristics are of great significance to young people, but cultivating the quality of collaboration is more important.

    On the one hand, competitiveness plays an impact role in motivating children to work harder, helping them perform better than others. Such spirit will drive young people to work independently, which does good to build their self-confidence and gain faster progress. When facing competitive situations including job interviews after leaving school, children are more likely to have the ability to cope with them easily. Therefore, the sense of competition should be emphasized in order to prepare children for their future.

    On the other hand, it is even more crucial to prepare children for their adult life full of co-operation. For instance, when working in a team, it is undeniable that you should abide by the rules and follow the boss’s instructions, and teammates should help each other for the sake of accomplishing the task perfectly. Accordingly, mutual collaboration is more significant than personal triumph. Moreover, it also helps youngsters cultivate good qualities such as modesty and team spirit, which is vital to teamwork.

    In conclusion, I can understand why people might want to encourage competitiveness in children, but it seems to me that a co-operative attitude is much more desirable in adult life.

    March 4, 2021 at 9:17 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Lots of unclear sentences.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.