After doing a presentation, you want to identify your weaknesses and improve your skills. Which of the following ways do you think is better?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › TOEFL Writing › After doing a presentation, you want to identify your weaknesses and improve your skills. Which of the following ways do you think is better?

  • ShippersForMe Participant
    xiaoxiaoxiao
    University: ZHONGDA
    Nationality: Chinese
    August 18, 2020 at 2:38 pm

    After doing a presentation, you want to identify your weaknesses and improve your skills. Which of the following ways do you think is better?

    1. Review your recording alone

    2. Let others give suggestions and discuss them

    Nowadays, due to fierce competition in society, students attach greater importance to their education, thus improving their ability more efficiently. Some people claim that reviewing recording alone is the preferred choice, as it enables them to concentrate. However, my view is that it is more suitable for students to let others give suggestions and discuss about them.

    To start with, by working together students are motivated forming a constructive study atmosphere. For one thing, It is widely acknowledged that students are more likely to feel boring and get distracted when analysing records alone. They tend to lose interest in studying and thus decrease their study efficiency. Under this circumstance, it is their friends who encourage them to focus on their disadvantages and make up for their weaknesses so as to grasp more solid knowledge. For another, if they realize their own weaknesses, it is possible that they may get depressed and even lose confidence in studying. However, their team members would motivate them to move on in the wake of difficulties, since discussing together offers a chance to discuss advantages. In this case, they will become more confident and be more likely to persist, which constitutes a stepping stone to their future development. As a result, discussing together contributes to improving themselves.

    In addition, letting others give suggestions is beneficial for students to be more objective and knowledgeable. Obviously, when we review our own records alone, we may overlook some shortcomings which may be essential to improve their ability. Hence, accepting suggestions from more objective people allows them to discover potential problems. Moreover, students excel in different fields so they have different thinking methods. So other people could help us find the problems that we do not know before, which enables us to consider from different perspectives thus becoming more objective and knowledgeable. For example, when I was in college, I signed up for a singing competition. In order to do a good job, I practice very hard. Spending at least four hours a day in school practicing dancing and singing is not surprising. Besides, I asked my friends to record the whole practicing process to discover some problems.When I reviewed the recording alone, I still did not know where to improve myself. In contrast, after talking with my classmates about the recording, not only did they tell me where my problems are, but also suggested me to adopt various methods to make up for my weaknesses. Since then, I start to become more objective and knowledgeable about singing. In a word, it is due to discussion that students could enhance their ability.

     

    From what has been discussed above, I draw a conclusion that it is more advisable for students to let others give suggestions and discuss about them because of contributing for their future work.

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 21, 2020 at 7:47 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    4. Write an introduction paragraph that outlines your argument
    5. Preposition errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    ShippersForMe Participant
    xiaoxiaoxiao
    University: ZHONGDA
    Nationality: Chinese
    August 24, 2020 at 9:34 am

    Nowadays, due to fierce competition in society, students attach greater importance to their education, thus improving their ability more efficiently. Some people claim that reviewing recording alone is the preferred choice, as it enables them to concentrate. However, my view is that it is more suitable for students to discuss with other pupils.

    To start with, by working together, students are motivated, forming a constructive study atmosphere. For one thing, students are more likely to feel dull and get distracted when watching records alone. So they tend to lose interest in studying and decrease their efficiency. Under this circumstance, it is their friends who encourage them to stand up and make up for their weaknesses. For another, if they realize their weaknesses, it is possible that they may get depressed and even lose confidence. However, other pupils would motivate them to move on in the wake of difficulties. In this case, they will become more confident. As a result, discussing together contributes to improving themselves.

    In addition, other people’s suggestions are beneficial for pupils to be more objective and knowledgeable. When we review records alone, we may overlook some shortcomings, which may be essential. In contrast, accepting suggestions from more people allows them to discover potential problems. Moreover, students excel in different fields, so they have different thinking methods. evidently, other students could motivate us to consider from different perspectives, thus becoming more impersonal and learned. Hence, we are more probably to be successful in the long run.

    From what has been discussed above, I draw a conclusion that it is more advisable for students to let others give suggestions and discuss because of contributing for their future work.

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    August 25, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    After doing a presentation, you want to identify your weaknesses and improve your skills. Which of the following ways do you think is better?

    Nowadays, due to fierce competition in society, students attach greater importance to their education, thus improving their ability more efficiently. Some people claim that reviewing recording alone is the preferred choice, as it enables them to concentrate. [ Rewrite to focus on the prompt ]However, my view is that it [ unclear pronoun ] is more suitable for[use a verb to replace IT IS ADJ  ] students to discuss with other pupils.

    To start with, by working together, students are motivated [  during group work], forming a constructive study atmosphere[unclear  ]. For one thing, students are more likely[ factual error ] to feel dull and get distracted when watching records[word choice error  ] alone. So they tend to lose interest[ repetition of ‘dull’ ] in studying and decrease their efficiency. Under this circumstance, it is their friends who encourage them to stand up and make up for their weaknesses[ absolute statement ]. For another, if they realize their weaknesses[ grammatical error/subjunctive ], (it is possible that )[ redundant /may ]they may get depressed and even lose confidence. However, other pupils would motivate them to move on (in the wake of)[ wrong phrase/in the wake of covid-19 pandemic ] difficulties. In this case, they will become more confident[absolute statement  ]. As a result, discussing together contributes to improving themselves.

    In addition, other people’s suggestions (are beneficial for)[ dull BE verb ] pupils to be[ dull BE verb ] more objective and knowledgeable. When we review records[word choice error  ] alone, we may overlook some shortcomings, which[ unclear pronoun ] may be essential. In contrast, accepting suggestions from more people allows them[unclear pronuon  ] to discover potential problems. Moreover, students excel in different fields[ absolute statement ], so they have different thinking methods[ word choice error ]. evidently[spelling error  ], other students could motivate us [ shift of person ]to consider from different perspectives, thus becoming more impersonal and learned. Hence, we are[  dull BE verb] more probably to be[dull BE verb  ] successful in the long run.

    From what has been discussed above, I draw a conclusion[ reckon ] that (it is more advisable)[  unclear] for students to let others give suggestions and discuss because of contributing for [wrong preposition  ]their future work [  long, difficult to read sentence.].