Some people believe that the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs, while others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs, while others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

  • DKAIhao
    University: Shandong University Of Arts
    Nationality: China
    February 1, 2020 at 4:08 am

    Some people believe that the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs, while others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

    Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the advantages that university education provided. Opinions are divided on whether university education offers more the desired jobs for public. In my view that there are much valuable things for individuals and society that produced by university education.

    One the one hand, as everyone konws that the increase of the pressures of finding jobs is becoming more and more serious. It’s so different for students who just graduated without any work experience and professional skills to compete in labor markets, unless they use well of the time that they studied in the universities. Suggestions and trainings from the university education might be the only tools that they are able to depend on. Universities are  responsible to the employment rate of the young, which means how to educate graduations achieve decent jobs is the main purpose of the university education.

    One the other hand, It’s obvious that university education not only brings someone a career but also practices personal critical thinking and stimulates the abilities of creation and innovation, which is the cornerstone for the development of the society. Universities are the places that students with different views about same question come together to discuss ,learn from each other, which is the beginning of advances and reformations in many areas such as the finance, mathematics and psychology. Those exciting improvements of crucial territories play the significant roles in pushing the continuing progressing of the society.

    In conclusion, while the university education might be helpful for graduates to find suitable jobs, more important, it works on encouraging a student’s personal ideal of distinguish between the right and wrong, which is the essentials of all researches and studies lead to the advances of the society.

     

    February 4, 2020 at 3:23 am

    Score: 35.9

    Issues:

    1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Nearly 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.