Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

  • blingbling1996
    University: Sichuan University
    Nationality: China
    February 23, 2020 at 1:11 pm

    Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

    Some people claim that allowing the children to decide what they should eat, wear or watch will inform self-centred characters. However, others hold the view that making choices on their own matters is essential to growth of children. In my opinion, children definitely should have the liberty to make decisions, but in order to make them more aware of others, some choices should be dictated by parents.

    On the one hand, Making decisions independently will help the children to develop the good judgement and creativity. In the process of making up minds, they could consider the factors carefully ,so that it will make them pick up the ability to judge good from bad. For example, after choosing the types of food for themself, a child get to know the nutrition from the fresh food is better than the processed one. Besides, when children try to explore the variety of solutions when solving problems on their own, It will enhance their imagination and creativity mentally. All these characters are dispensable for living in the society and success in the future work.

    On the other hand, it’s also true that, if children have boundless liberty to make their own choices,they may fail to take the others’ feelings into accounts. For instance,a child may insist on eating his favorite food in three meals a day. In that case, He could only satisfy his own wishes. If his parents allow him to have his way, he will definitely grow into a self-centred person. That means, parents should make guidance and set a good example for offsprings, especially making the logical and ethical choices about values and forcing the children to do the same.

    Overall, I believe that even though children should be allowed to make up their own minds, parents  have a duty to cultivate them empathy and consideration about the feelings of others, otherwise they may end up becoming selfish.

    February 24, 2020 at 10:45 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    blingbling1996
    University: Sichuan University
    Nationality: China
    February 26, 2020 at 5:30 am

    Modified version:

    Some people claim that, allowing the children to decide on their own matters will inform self-centered characters. However, opponents believe that, making choices independently is essential to the growth of children. Personally, I would argue that children definitely have the liberty to make decisions. But some choices should be dictated by parents, for making the offspring more aware of others.

    On the one hand, Making own decisions will help the children develop discernment and creativity. Through making up minds, they could consider the factors in detail, which help them distinguish the good from bad. For example, if a child is capable for picking food, he may know what degree the nutrition accounts for. Besides, facing with variety of problems, the brainstorming for decisions will enhance their imagination and creativity. All these characters are dispensable for living in society and success in future work.

    Conversely, it’s also true that, boundless liberty could make children grow into egoists. For instance, a child may insist on eating his favorite food in three meals a day. In that case, He could only satisfy egotistical demands. If his parents allow him to have his way, he is likely to grow into a self-centered person. That means, making guidance especially the logical and ethical ones by parents is detrimental for children’s development. Not only that, forcing the children to do the same is equally significant.

    Overall, I believe that, even though children should be allowed to make up their minds, the guidance from parents is an essential part to thorough consideration. Otherwise they may end up becoming selfish.

    February 26, 2020 at 9:52 pm

    Score: 61.1

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Tagged: