Some people think that art (such as painting and music) does not directly improve the quality of people’s life, so government should spend money on other areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that art (such as painting and music) does not directly improve the quality of people’s life, so government should spend money on other areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • chloe246
    University: HKU
    Nationality: Chinese
    April 28, 2020 at 1:05 pm

    Some people think that art (such as painting and music) does not directly improve the quality of people’s life, so government should spend money on other areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    The significance of art in life has hitherto been a debatable topic. Majority of people think it would not influence the public’s standard of living, so they appeal to government to invest in other fundamental sectors such as healthcare and education. From my perspective, I agree their opinion as art could not satisfy our physical needs, there are many issues need to be solved which are more important than entertainment. Art is not an indicator to standard of living.

    Compared to art, physical requirements such as foods and shelters are more elementary to human beings. According to the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, physiological needs are the necessities like water, clothing, etc. Yet, not everyone in the world possesses them. In Africa, billions of people who are in extreme poverty. If you were one of them, would you be able to pursue art works while you are starving to death? Therefore, the joy of art only exists if one has physiological needs, which is a problem that the government needs to tackle.

    Despite the necessities, quality of people’s life is also comprised of their happiness and satisfaction. Although some may argue that art can increase people’s enjoyment, it is only a trivial segment which does not directly enhance our standard of living. For majority, sense of security will be another key, and it is in the second hierarchy of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. For example, Sweden is the country whose residents have the highest rate of happiness. The reasons behind are that they have perfect healthcare and education systems, with a low crime rate as well. All of these provide residents a sensation of belonging and safety. To invest in healthcare, education, and police force will probably be the best solution to boost people’s quality of life.

    In conclusion, government needs to deal with the prior issues rather than art. A huge amount of people who are suffering in poverty need help from government by providing them with physiological needs. Additionally, to directly increase citizens’ standard of living, governmental administration requires to reinforce the basic social services in a country.

    April 28, 2020 at 9:55 pm

    Score: 56.8

    Issues:

    1. Extensive issues with Articles and Pronouns. Replace unclear pronouns (i.e. There are more than 2 singular nouns in the prior part of a sentence, or the prior sentence, then replace IT with a concrete noun.)
    2. Many clarity issues. I.E. “The public standard of living ” differs from ‘quality of life.’
    3. Lengthy sentences. Shorten/split those exceeding 2o words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.