As a leader of a city, what would you do to ensure the prosperity and success of the city?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing As a leader of a city, what would you do to ensure the prosperity and success of the city?

  • dyy
    University: SUIBE
    Nationality: China
    August 15, 2020 at 3:33 pm

    As a leader of a city, what would you do to ensure the prosperity and success of the city?

    A. create job opportunities for the unemployed

    B. lower food prices

    C. provide affordable housing

    It is hight time that governments put their emphasis on the prosperity and success of the cities, There are many methods for the leaders to take into practice, such as creating more job opportunities for the unemenpolyed, lowering the food price, providing affordable housing and so on. As for me, if I ‘m in charge of a city as a leader, provding more occupations for the unemplyed will be my alternative.

    To begin with, more job opportunities offerred will help the citizens to improve their living standards. Most of the unemployed people do not have a source of income to maintain their lives since money has now been a basis for buying living necessities. However, if those unemployed start to work again, according to Maslow’s hierachical theory, once baisc needs are met, they will also start to pursuit for mental achievement. Therefore, it will be benifical for the society to have access to one aspect of the prosperity-the fulfillment of residents’ mental health.

    What’ s more, the government can save a lot of money, such as the unemployment benefits. The prosperity of a city is always evaluated by people according to whether or not it is convenient enough to live in, whether or not it can provide the advanced living levels. Since the burden of fiancial support is relived, the saving money can be used to such is more meaningful in developing the city as the healthcare system, the pubilic transportation, novel education resources and so on.

    To be honest, lowering the food price or providing affordable housing do have some advantages in cutting down the living costs of the citizens. However, without a sustainable source of income, it is difficult to meet the further needs of individuals. They may even cannot afford a piece of bread without having a job, not alone an ideal house.

    In a nutshell, I believe that creating job opportunities plays an important role in a promising prosprous and successful city, which act as the bedrock of the development of the city.

    August 18, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Many spelling mistakes
    4. Article errors
    5. Word choice errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.