At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

  • Yiran Huang
    University: yinghua international school
    Nationality: Chinese
    January 16, 2020 at 3:24 am

    At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

    Contemporarily, in contrast with a small amount of elders, the number of young people has remarkably increased in particular countries. Whether this phenomenon is advantageous or not has become a controversial question. In my opinion, it is a good situation.

    Relatively high number of young adults benefit the domestic producer. What I mean by that is, young people will participate in the domestic labor markets. This behavior increases the supply of domestic labor force and offers companies cheaper choice that can increase the productivity and reduce the labor cost. Compare with older people, young adults are more diligent and always more keen to follow global trends. For producers, these characteristics make young adults work more efficiently and may prompt innovation.

    The large number of young labors raises government budget surplus. In another word, the tax paid by youngsters increases government revenue. According to the data from<financial times>, young people’s purchasing power is much higher than elders, as they buy more luxury and fast fashion clothes. Because of this, they also had to pay higher indirect tax. Government can use the extra revenue to subsidy poverty or build schools to benefit domestic citizens.

    On the other hand, the high amount of young adults may not good for the country’s economic growth, partially because more young people are in debt compared to old people. As the increasing demand for money may lead to an increase in interest rate when supply is limited. However, this increase in interest rate will make saving more profitable and discourage people’s willingness to buy. Fortunately, this behavior can be restrained by setting the maximum borrowing amount.

    From what has been addressed before, I think the relatively large number of young adults is good as this situation has many advantages like profiting domestic producers and increasing government budget surplus. Although young people has higher debt probability compare to elders, this problem can be fixed by government intervention.

     

    January 16, 2020 at 6:08 pm

    Score: 53

    Suggestions:

    1. Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Yiran Huang
    University: yinghua international school
    Nationality: Chinese
    January 17, 2020 at 3:15 am

    Contemporarily, the number of young adults takes a larger proportion of the population than elders. Whether this phenomenon is good or not has become a controversial question. In my opinion, it is a good situation.

    A high number of young adults benefit domestic producers. What I mean by that is, many young people will join the domestic labor markets. This behavior offers companies more choices. What’s more, supply costs will decrease when producers choose cheaper labor. Compare with older people, young adults are more diligent. Besides, they are always more keen to follow global trends. For producers, these characteristics make young labors efficient and keep up with times.

    A large number of young labors raises government budget surplus. In other words, the tax paid by youngsters increases government revenue. According to <financial times>, young people’s purchasing power is higher than elders. Because of this, they also had to pay higher sales taxes. Governments can use this revenue to benefit domestic citizens by improving public infrastructures.

    On the other hand, the high number of young adults may worsen the domestic economic situation. The main reason is more young people are in debt compared to old people. When there is a limit supply, increasing demand for money may lead to a higher interest rate. This increase in interest rate makes saving profitable therefore discourages people’s willingness to buy. Fortunately, setting the maximum borrowing amount can restrain this behavior.

    From what has been addressed before, the large number of young adults is good. It is because this situation has many advantages like profiting domestic producers and increasing government revenue. Although young people have higher debt probability than elders, this can be solved by government intervention.

    January 17, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    Score: 58.8

    I will go back to you with a detailed revision.

    Regards.

     

    January 18, 2020 at 3:12 am

    At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

    Contemporarily, the number of young adults takes a larger proportion of the population than elders. Whether this phenomenon is good or not has become a controversial question. In my opinion, it is a good situation.

    A high number of young adults benefit [insert prepostion] domestic producers. What I mean by that is, many young people will join the domestic labor markets. This behavior offers companies more choices. What’s more, supply costs will decrease when producers choose cheaper labor. Compare [word form] with older people, young adults are more diligent. Besides, they are always more keen to [preposition error] follow [verb tense] global trends. For producers, these characteristics make young labors [word form] efficient and [add transition phrase] keep up with times.

    A large number of young labors [word form] raises [insert article] government [word form–possessive] budget surplus. In other words, the tax paid by youngsters [informal] increases government revenue. According to <financial times>, young people’s purchasing power is higher than elders. Because of this, they also had [verb tense] to pay higher sales taxes. Governments can use this revenue to benefit domestic citizens by improving public infrastructures.

    On the other hand, the high number of young adults may worsen the domestic economic situation. The main reason is more young people are in debt compared to old people. When there is a limit [word form] supply, increasing demand for money may lead to a higher interest rate. This increase in interest rate makes saving profitable [insert comma] therefore discourages [verb tense] people’s willingness to buy. Fortunately, setting the maximum borrowing amount can restrain this behavior.

    From what has been addressed before, the large number of young adults is good. [connect these two sentences] It is [remove] because this situation has many advantages like profiting domestic producers and increasing government revenue. Although young people have higher debt probability than elders, this can be solved by government intervention.

    Yiran Huang
    University: yinghua international school
    Nationality: Chinese
    January 19, 2020 at 2:14 am

    Contemporarily, the number of young adults takes a larger proportion of the population than elders. Whether this phenomenon is good or not has become a controversial question. In my opinion, it is a good situation.

    A high number of young adults is good for domestic producers. What I mean by that is, many young people will join the domestic labor markets. This behavior offers companies more choices. What’s more, supply costs will decrease when producers choose cheaper labor.Comparing with older people, young adults are more diligent. Besides, they are always more keen on following global trends. For producers, these characteristics make young labor efficient as well as keeping up with times.

    A large number of young labor raises the government budget surplus. In other words, the tax paid by young workers increases government revenue. According to <financial times>, young people’s purchasing power is higher than elders. Because of this, they also have to pay higher sales taxes. Governments can use this revenue to benefit domestic citizens by improving public infrastructures.

    On the other hand, the high number of young adults may worsen the domestic economic situation. The main reason is more young people are in debt compared to old people. When there is a limited supply, increasing demand for money may lead to a higher interest rate. This increase in interest rate makes saving profitable, therefore discouraging people’s willingness to buy. Fortunately, setting the maximum borrowing amount can restrain this behavior.

    From what has been addressed before, the large number of young adults is good, because this situation has many advantages like profiting domestic producers and increasing government revenue. Although young people have higher debt probability than elders, this can be solved by government intervention.

    January 20, 2020 at 1:38 am

    Score: 58.1

    Contemporarily, the number of young adults takes a larger proportion of the population than that of the elders. Whether this phenomenon is good or not has become a controversial question. In my opinion, it is a good situation.[ unclear thesis ]

    A high number of young adults (is good for) [ dull BE verb ] (domestic producers)[unclear  ]. What I mean by that is[redundant  ], many young people will join the domestic labor markets[ word form error ]. This behavior[ wrong word ] offers companies more choices. What’s more, supply costs will decrease when producers[unclear word  ] choose cheaper labor. Comparing [ grammatical error ]with older people, young adults are more diligent. Besides, they are always[ absolute writing ] more keen[  grammatical error] on following[  to follow] global trends. For producers, these characteristics make young labor efficient as well as keeping up[  unparallel – efficient/keeping up ] with times.

    [ lack transitional word ]A large number of young labor raises the government budget surplus. In other words, the tax paid by young workers increases government revenue. According to <financial times>[Financial Times  ], young people’s purchasing power is higher than [ incorrect comparison / that of] elders. Because of this, they also have to pay higher sales taxes. Governments can use this revenue to benefit domestic[ redundant ] citizens by improving public infrastructures.

    On the other hand, the high number of young adults may worsen the domestic economic situation. The main reason is [ grammatical error ]more young people are in debt compared to old people. When there is a limited supply, increasing demand for money may lead to a higher interest rate. This increase in[redundant- this increased  ] interest rate makes saving profitable, therefore discouraging people’s willingness to buy. Fortunately, setting the maximum borrowing amount can restrain this behavior.

    From what has been addressed beforeIn light of my argument noted above, the[ article error ] large number of young adults is good[ vague word/use more concrete word ], [punctuation error  ]because this situation has[vague word  ] many advantages like[ informal/such as ] profiting domestic producers and increasing government revenue. Although young people have higher debt probability than [article error  ]elders, this[ unclear pronoun ] can be solved by government intervention.