At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Topics At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

  • Wang Xin-Yu
    University: Capital Medical University
    Nationality: China
    February 27, 2020 at 8:11 am

    At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

    Nowadays, many college students are facing a problem that they can’t hold their skills in their major when they graduate. So I disagree with the statement that sports and social activities should receive equal financial support as same as classes and libraries.

    First, I argue that colleges and universities are a place that students should focus on academic study. For example, when I just entered college, I played badminton every day which made me too tired to deal with my indispensable study work, even though the condition of my university’s badminton course was not satisfying. It resulted in an outcome that I got a terrible mark at the end of the first semester.

    Second, I suggest that for most of us, college time is the only period during your life in which you can gain lots of interdisciplinary knowledge without worrying about your financial problems. Your universities and your parents could always make a condition for you to concentrate on studying. For instance, as a person who has already found a job, he may be faced with stress from his work or communication with his colleagues. He cannot be calm to focus attention on learning knowledge because he is busy with his work. He has to earn money. So there is no time for him to gain sorts of knowledge like a college student.

    Furthermore, sports and social activities are the things you can do out of universities and colleges. For myself, I always go to a gym near my college and become a party to it. As a commercial site, it can offer a better condition than a college. And for social activities, there are so many cafes and pubs near my college

    Thus, I believe that it is unnecessary for colleges to spend money on supporting sport and social activities. They should develop classes and libraries so that they can enhance their students’ academic ability.

    March 6, 2020 at 10:56 pm

    Score: 65

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Wang Xin-Yu
    University: Capital Medical University
    Nationality: China
    March 7, 2020 at 12:02 pm

    At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

    It has come to people’s attention that many college students cannot hold their skills in their major when they graduate. Therefore, I don’t believe that sports and social activities should receive equal financial support as same as classes and libraries.

    First, I argue that the priority for college students is academic study. When I just entered college, I played badminton every day, even though the condition of my university’s badminton course was not satisfying. I was so tired that I failed to deal with my school work and got a terrible mark at the end of the first semester.

    Second, college time is the only period during your life in which you can gain lots of interdisciplinary knowledge without worrying about your financial problems. Your universities and your parents would make a condition for you to concentrate on studying. For instance, if a person has already found a job, he has to face stress from his work and communication with his colleagues. He cannot be calm to focus attention on studying since he is busy with his work. He has to earn money. Thus, he has no time to gain sorts of knowledge like a college student.

    Furthermore, students may do sports and social activities out of universities and colleges. For example, many of my classmates keep fit at a gym near our college and invest in the gym membership. It is no doubt that a commercial site can offer a better condition than a college. And for social activities, there are so many cafes and pubs around my college. They are comfortable and commodious and we always hold parties there.

    Accordingly, it is unnecessary for colleges to spend much money on supporting sport and social activities. They should develop classes and libraries to enhance their students’ academic ability.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 4 days ago by Lin QiuLin Qiu.
    March 12, 2020 at 3:07 am

    Score: 64.4

    It has come to people’s attention that many college students cannot hold [wrong word ] their skills in their major when they graduate. [disconnected from the prior sentence ]Therefore, I don’t believe that sports and social activities should receive equal financial support as[wrong preposition ] same as [lack a comparison ]classes and libraries.

    First, I argue[wrong word ] that the priority for college students is academic study[redundant ]. When I just entered college, I played badminton every day, [ punctuation error]even though the condition of my university’s badminton course was not satisfying. I was so tired that I failed to deal with[unclear ] my school work and got a terrible mark at the end of the first semester.

    Second, college time is the only period during your[shift of person ] life in which you[ shift of person] can gain lots of interdisciplinary knowledge without worrying about your financial problems. Your universities and your parents would make a condition[unclear ] for you to concentrate on studying. For instance, if a person has already found [ grammatical error with subjunctive voice]a job, he has [ grammatical error]to face stress from his work and communication with his colleagues. He cannot be[dull BE verb ] calm to focus attention on[wrong phrase ] studying since he is busy with his work. He has to earn money. Thus, he has no time to gain sorts of[redundant ] knowledge like a college student. [in this paragraph, change all 2nd person into 1st/3rd person ]

    Furthermore, students may do sports and social activities out of universities and colleges. For example, many of my classmates keep fit at a gym near our college and invest in the gym membership. It is no doubt that a commercial site [ unclear]can offer a better condition than a college. And[error with coordination word ] for social activities, there are so many cafes and pubs around my college. They are comfortable and commodious [ punctuation error]and we always hold parties there.

    Accordingly, it is unnecessary for colleges to spend much money on supporting sport and social activities. They should develop classes and libraries to enhance their students’ academic ability.

    [ There are way more problems/errors than those highlighted above. Fix these first. ]

    Wang Xin-Yu
    University: Capital Medical University
    Nationality: China
    March 14, 2020 at 12:31 pm

    It has come to people’s attention that many college students cannot master  skills in their major when students graduate. Therefore, I don’t believe that sports and social activities should receive as much support as should things related to academic study.

    First, I believe that academic study is the priority for college students. When I just entered college, I played badminton every day even though the conditions of my university’s badminton course were not satisfying. I was so tired that I failed to finish my school work and got a terrible mark at the end of the first semester.

    Second, college time is the only period during a person’s life in which he can gain plenty of interdisciplinary knowledge without worrying about financial problems. Universities would support you to concentrate on studying. For instance, having settled a job, a person has to face stress from his work and communication with his colleagues. He would be too busy to focus on studying since he gets lots of work to do. He has to earn money. Thus, he has no time to gain knowledge like a college student.

    Furthermore, students may do sports and social activities out of universities and colleges. For example, many of my classmates keep fit at a gym near our college and invest in the gym membership. As a commercial site, the gym can offer better conditions than the college. For social activities, there are so many cafes and pubs around my college and they are comfortable and commodious. We always hold parties there.

    Accordingly, it is unnecessary for colleges to spend much money supporting sport and social activities. They should develop classes and libraries to enhance their students’ academic ability.

    March 17, 2020 at 10:31 pm

    Score: 62.3

    It has come to people’s attention that many college students cannot master (skills in their major)[ unclear ] when students [ repetition ] graduate. [ poor logical connection with the prior sentence ] Therefore, I don’t believe that sports and social activities should receive as much support as should[ misplaced verb ] things related to academic study.

    First, I believe that academic study is the priority for college students. When I just entered college, I played badminton every day even though the conditions of my university’s badminton course were not satisfying. I was so tired that I failed to finish my school work and[unclear/unparalleled/ was- got/failed-got  ] got a terrible mark at the end of the first semester.

    Second, college time is the only period during a person’s life [absolute statement  ] in which he can gain plenty of interdisciplinary knowledge without worrying about financial problems. Universities would support you [ shift of person ] to concentrate on studying. For instance, having settled a job, a person has to face stress from his work and communication[  unclear/face communication or from communication?] with his colleagues. He would be too busy to focus on studying since he gets lots of work to do. [choppy sentence  ] He has to earn money. [ choppy sentence ] Thus, he has no time to gain knowledge like a college student.

    Furthermore, students may do sports and participate in social activities out of universities and colleges. For example, many of my classmates keep fit at a gym near our college and[ logically confusing ] invest in the gym membership. As a commercial site/facility, the gym can offer better conditions than the college. For social activities, there are so [so… that  ] many cafes and pubs around my college [punctuation error  ] and they are comfortable and commodious. We always hold parties there.

    Accordingly, it is unnecessary for colleges to spend much money supporting sport and social activities. They[ unclear pronoun/colleges? activities?  ] should develop classes and libraries to enhance their students’ academic ability.

    Wang Xin-Yu
    University: Capital Medical University
    Nationality: China
    March 19, 2020 at 12:30 pm

    It has come to people’s attention that many college students cannot master their expertise when graduate. That might be because they spend too much time on extracurricular activities. Therefore, I don’t believe that sports and social activities should receive as much support as academic study since it will mislead students sill further.

    First, I believe that academic study is the priority for college students. When I just entered college, I played badminton every day even though the conditions of my university’s badminton course were not satisfying. I was so tired that I failed to finish my school work. Needless to say, I got a terrible mark at the end of the first semester.

    Second, college time might be the only period during a person’s life in which he can gain plenty of interdisciplinary knowledge without worrying about financial problems since the university always offers financial support to students to concentrate on studying. However, having settled a job, a person has to suffer the burden from his work and the stress from communication with his colleagues. Thus, he has neither the time nor the energy to gain knowledge like a college student.

    Furthermore, students can do sports and participate in social activities out of universities and colleges. For example, many of my classmates invest in a gym membership to keep fit near our college. As a commercial facility, the gym can offer better conditions than the college. For social activities, there are  many cafes and pubs around my college. They are so comfortable and commodious that they satisfy the conditions for us to hold parties.

    Accordingly, it is unnecessary for colleges to spend much money supporting sport and social activities. Instead, the fund should incline to develop classes and libraries to enhance  students’ academic ability.

    March 24, 2020 at 4:02 am

    Score: 54.8

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.